Your Twitter feed is full of OMGs, all selfies on Instagram look fearful, and your mom keeps calling to tell you put on the news because a giant asteroid, flying saucer, or Kaiju is headed right for you. You can hear the Steven Tyler power-ballad, and you can smell oblivion… the world is ending, and you’ve got to get anywhere but where you’re presently standing, slack-jawed and frightful.
What do you use to make your escape? The neighbors motorcycle? Nah, it might work for Daryl Dixon, but the zombie pterodactyls (being creative) will still be able to get you. If you come across some kind of 11-foot spider, you just know you’ll spin out. How about your roommate’s Prius? Just because it’s raining lava and the ocean is bubbling doesn’t mean you can’t be environmentally conscious to the bitter end, but will it get you enough giddy-up or offer enough protection? Probably not. You need a vehicle that can handle the rise of the machines, the white walkers, and whatever else is being tossed at the world in that harsh moment. Thankfully, we’ve got this list of the ultimate survival vehicles that you need to survive the end of the world.
Naval Destroyer — The Last Ship
Okay, maybe you’re not qualified to guide a naval destroyer across the sea — few are — but if you’re lucky enough to be aboard one when a case of the worldwide sniffles throws everyone into chaos, you’re probably safer than most, thanks to the size of the ship and the supplies aboard. There’s also people to talk to, medical personnel, a lush pile of books to thumb through, and a ton of weaponry should things get hairy. It’s not ideal, but neither is a pandemic, a zombie attack, or an alien invasion, so you make do.
A Really Fast Car — Shaun of the Dead
In the event of a world-ending event, find something shiny that looks like it can go from zero to “peace out” in about a blink and get the hell out of Dodge. For all you know, this apocalypse stuff might be a local kerfuffle. I hear Nebraska’s nice; floor it to 120 mph, and evade the troubles of the world there. Besides, the odds are that you won’t be the Omega Man, so why not have some fun on the way out like Ed did with Phillip’s Jaguar in Shaun of the Dead?
Some Kind of SUV — Zombieland
The roads might be packed with abandoned vehicles or hordes of people trying to get gone, so you need something that isn’t afraid to get a little dirty. Is fuel economy a concern? Remember in the go-go early aughts when everyone owned 100-foot behemoths, and gas was a quarter a gallon? Me, too, and it can be that way in the post-apocalypse now that gas is more of a first-come-first-serve thing. It doesn’t hurt if you have one with a plow attached, but…
Custom SUV/Truck/Van/Bus — Dawn of the Dead
Why settle for a plow when you can let your imagination run wild, as it did in Dawn of the Dead when Ving Rhames, Sarah Polley, and Phil Dunphy escaped a mall through a horde of zombies with a rolling killing machine.
Your Dad’s Old Sedan — Resident Evil: Apocalypse
Hear me out: That thing was cavernous, lasted forever, and could go through walls and over bicycles because it was made of dragon steel or something. Pull the cover off that ’98 Lincoln Continental and plow the field of walkers. Your fellow survivors will thank you, and then you’ll become their ruler. Pop always wanted you to make something of yourself, but the list of somethings is growing thin, and wasteland warlord is as close as you may be able to get.
Any Vehicle in Mad Max — Mad Max: Fury Road
You may not know how to build one, but if you can get your hands on one of those sick rides, you’ll be sitting pretty. I’ll take the People Eater’s limo. I want to watch the stars burn out in style. The Interceptor would be alright, too.
Tank — The Walking Dead
Rick Grimes never got the chance to make the most out of his time in that tank in Atlanta, but The Governor used the one at his disposal quite effectively. They’re virtually indestructible when they’re operational, so long as someone doesn’t toss a grenade down the barrel of the huge gun. And sure, it’s slow-moving, but if you didn’t pick out a near-racecar, you aren’t in a hurry.
Helicopter — Outbreak
Look how easily Dustin Hoffman zips around from place to place in search of the outbreak monkey that started an Ebola-esque outbreak. The sky would be your playground with a chopper, and you would be able to, theoretically, stay clear of all the havoc because you could just fly away whenever things got too sticky. You just have to deal with all of Cuba Gooding, Jr.’s Chill Factor war stories.