“Weird Al” Yankovic infamously wrote his “American Pie” spoof, “The Saga Begins,” before having seen Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. He found plot details on the internet, and pieced them together in impressively accurate order. Yankovic eventually attended a pricy pre-release charity screening, but he only “changed a couple lines after seeing the movie.”
That was a time before the internet was one giant spoiler; it’s much easier to figure out plot details when you’ve got three endlessly re-watchable trailers, TV spots, toys, and battery ads to go off. Still, J.J. Abrams has done a good job of not revealing too much about the record-breaking Star Wars: The Force Awakens. But one fan thinks he knows how the movie will shake out after he edited all the footage we’ve seen in chronological order.
Here’s a taste.
– Poe Dameron (with BB-8) is sent by Leia to Jakku to find Rey.
– Kylo Ren and The First Order arrive on Jakku. They attack a village and Poe is captured. BB-8 escapes.
– Poe is brought to the Star Destroyer, Finalizer, that is in orbit of Jakku.
– Kylo Ren tortures Poe and uses the Force to extract information from him.
– Finn witnesses Poe being tortured. Having a crisis of conscience, Finn decides to help free Poe (Poe’s blood is on Finn’s helmet). Finn ends up with Poe’s jacket.
– Finn and Poe both flee in separate TIE fighters, but Finn’s TIE Fighter takes damage and crash lands on Jakku.
– Rey is going about her day, scavenging from the remains of the Star Destroyer, Inflictor. She encounters BB-8.
– Kylo Ren regroups with the rest of the First Order to witness the test fire of their new superweapon, Star Killer Base.
– Rey and BB-8 eventually encounter Finn.
Okay, but which Don Henley song can that be set to the tune of?