Music

A Toilet Is Terrorizing Suge Knight Inside His Jail Cell And He Wants Out

"This toilet is gonna f*cking kill me!"
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There’s probably a bevy of reasons why you don’t want to go to jail. Sexual assault, gang warfare, unclean living conditions, a guy named Frankie Tits watching and breathing over you as you sleep. None of these situations are frightening the supposed most dangerous record executive on the planet, Suge Knight, though… It’s the sh*tter.

TMZ reports that Suge Knight, who is in jail on a $10 million bail, is asking for another cell because his damn toilet won’t stop flushing itself every 20 minutes. The problematic poop portal is keeping Knight awake at, well, night. Also, Knight is reporting that he’s feeling a bit of numbness creeping through his side, and doctors allegedly told him that he might have a brain tumor. Although, if the doctors are trolling him because he’s a jerk, that would be okay in my book. Sugey Bear is requesting that he get another cell that’s closer to the medical facility in order to have the numbing sensation evaluated (it’s probably his soul fighting to get out of his body), as well as put some distance between himself and the spooky butt bucket.

We’ll stay tuned to this critical story and bring you updates on the toilet, Sugey Bear’s health, and the whereabouts of Frankie Tits who just escaped while I was writing this.

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