10 Amazing Predictions For This Week In Sports

Senior Writer
05.07.12 3 Comments

Creepy floating heads edition.

When I’m wrong, I’m the first to admit that I was wrong. And boy did the NBA’s defending champs make me look like a fool. Last week, I predicted that no team would be swept from the NBA Playoffs last week, and to make matters worse, I boasted that it was a sucker’s prediction because only one team had the possibility of sweeping its opponent through Saturday, and that was the Oklahoma City Thunder. But I thought for sure that Dirk Nowitzki and Co. would show some scrap and claw back for one win. Wrong.
Oh well, I never said that the prediction machine was a perfect beast, but it’s close to perfect, because I was right about everything else, including the winner of the Kentucky Derby*. And that builds enough confidence for me to move forward with another round of brilliant sports predictions.
*I did not pick the winner of the Kentucky Derby in last week’s post, but I was totally like, “Oh yeah, bros, I pick I’ll Have Another.”

Chances are that by now you’ve seen the video of the random woman walking on to the court during yesterday’s playoff game 4 between the Los Angeles Lakers and Denver Nuggets. It turns out the woman has a little history with the Nuggets, as she used to stalk Kenyon Martin. So it makes sense that she was asking, “Where is Kenyon?” as security was escorting her off the court.
But I assume if security was so lazy and ineffective enough that a woman could just walk into the middle of a play, they probably just put her in a cab and told the driver to take her to the Staples Center.

I’ve always had a fond memory of Oil Can Boyd’s baseball career, but only because I love the name Oil Can. I don’t remember much about his actual playing ability at all, so I really shouldn’t be excited that he’s back in the news. Thankfully, old athletes often give the most batsh*t interviews, and that’s why we can all revel in Oil Can’s return to the spotlight today. Promoting his new book, “They Call Me Oil Can”, Boyd appeared on the Dennis and Callahan show on WEEI, and he admitted that he was high back then and, hell, he’s high right now.

“I smoke pot. Yes, I do. (Host: You are high right now?) Yeah and before I become a hypocrite and say that I don’t do something I’ve been doing it since I was 12 years old. When there ain’t no more (marijuana) out there, then maybe you can ask me that question. I do the best I can. I fight day in and day out for the last 25 years. This ain’t no new thing. For the last 25 years. And I’m doing real well. But I don’t think about it like that. I don’t dwell, like I did. I learn about the substance and I learn about what it was about and and how it affects me and how it was with me in my life.”

The whole thing is an absolute delight, and you can listen to it at Larry Brown Sports.
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Evil Cole Hamels is evil.

Are we really making a big deal out of Cole Hamels hitting Bryce Harper in the ass with a fastball last night? Really? Ugh, take it to the next level of overreaction, Washington Nationals GM Mike Rizzo:

“I’ve never seen a more classless, gutless [expletive] act in my 30 years in baseball,” Rizzo told Adam Kilgore of theWashington Post.
“Cole Hamels says he’s old school? He’s the opposite of old school. He’s fake tough,” Rizzo said. “He thinks he’s going to intimidate us after hitting our 19-year-old rookie who’s eight games into the big leagues. He doesn’t know who he’s dealing with.”
“With all the bounty [stuff] going on in professional football, the commissioner better act with a purpose on this thing,” Rizzo said. “Players have a way of monitoring themselves. We’re not here to hit people and hurt people.
“He thinks he’s sending a message to us of being a tough guy. He’s sending the polar opposite message. He says he’s being honest; well, I’m being honest. It was a gutless chicken [expletive] [expletive] act. That was a fake-tough act. No one has ever accused Cole Hamels of being old school.” (Via CBS Sports)

Yawn. Hamels will be suspended for 5 games, during which time Rizzo will figure out that Cole rhymes with hole and he’ll probably record a retaliation rap song.

Former NFL wide receiver Terrell Owens recently claimed that he can still be a productive NFL player for the right team, and every GM in the league just sort of nodded and rustled some papers on their desks. Obviously, Owens would probably like to have one more shot to win a Super Bowl, but it’s more realistic that he’d like to have another NFL paycheck, and we know that because he’ll be appearing on the Dr. Phil show this week to answer to three women who claim they have been raising his illegitimate children.
Owens actually said that he agreed to do the show because he wants to show the public that he is not the person that he was made out to be during his NFL career, when he was an obnoxious fame-whoring showboat.

If you’re unfamiliar with The Sun, it’s a British tabloid newspaper that belongs to the Rupert Murdoch family of publications at the center of the massive phone hacking and tapping scandals across the pond. While not dealing with accusations of invasive harassment, though, The Sun is trying to promote safety and security during the weeks leading up to the 2012 Summer Olympics.
That’s why The Sun recently sent a reporter in a van with a fake bomb to invade the London Olympic village. On one hand, a glaring lapse in security was exposed. On the other hand, what are they, stupid?

The Los Angeles Kings are the hottest team in the NHL Playoffs after they first ousted the No. 1 seed Vancouver Canucks and then finished off a sweep of the No. 2 seed and Stanley Cup favorite St. Louis Blues yesterday. So of course all of the bold experts out there are now climbing on the bandwagon.
But here’s the thing – the Kings were supposed to be really good this season. For some reason, though, they sucked. They sucked enough to get their coach fired, and they sucked enough to get an 8 seed. And as it sometimes happens in sports – things just got fixed. Sure, it’s impressive and they deserve the praise for doing it the hard way, but it’s not a surprise.

Seriously, I combined these pictures of Kellen Lutz and Joey Fatone at the Kentucky Derby on Saturday and I just can’t stop looking at it. When did the world’s most celebrated horse race turn into a fashion show for assh*les?
(Images via Getty)

My beloved hometown of Orlando was named the smuttiest city in America by Men’s Health magazine, based on porn purchases and streaming, as well as search engine results. Orlando – the home of the Magic Kingdom and the Holy Land Experience – is smuttier than Las Vegas. Forgive me if I’m just a little prouder than usual today.

In the wake of Kate Upton changing our lives with her Cat Daddy dance video, the group that created the move wants Upton to star in their next video. The Rej3ctz said that they have reached out to Upton and Rej3ctz member Mowii basically hinted that it’s going to happen.

“She was definitely feelin’ it,” Mowii, one of the group’s members, told Hollyscoop. “She was on her own. She is fire! Oh my god, let me stop, cause I’m gonna get Sports Illustrated…”
“I’ve actually reached out ,” Mowii told the gossip site, “I don’t want to let the cat out of the bag, I don’t want to let the Cat Daddy out of the bag. But it might just happen.” (Via the Denver Post)

I mean, maybe she’ll do it, but she’s already done a big enough favor for this group. If Upton’s giving out charity appearances, The Rej3ctz need to get in line until my “fake” Internet wedding plot is completed.

And my LONGSHOT PREDICTION OF THE WEEK!!!1! is that the once greatest golfer in the world, Tiger Woods, will silence every unoriginal Mad Libs “Tiger doesn’t have it” column that was published today after he failed to miss the cut at the Wells Fargo Championship. I really hope that Woods wins, though, because I’m still not ready to accept Rickie Fowler’s “fashion” as champion material.

(Images via Getty)

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