7-Foot Russian Boxer To Search For Twittering Bigfoot

Pro Wrestling Editor

In real sports news, former two-time WBA heavyweight champion Nikolai Valuev is leading the hunt for The Russian Yeti. And you thought “Sarah Palin had sex with Glen Rice back in the 80s” was the weirdest headline we were gonna pull this week.

The beast has been spotted dozens of times in the Kuzbass region of southern Siberia and has become something of a tourist attraction in the local area, with hotels and restaurants naming themselves after it. The mystery creature even has its own Twitter account, presumably set up by some bright spark at the local tourist board.

… “I would like to see firsthand what is going on,” said the boxer, who has had all manner of injections and vaccinations ahead of his expedition to the remote region. “I’ll draw my own conclusions once I’ve been there.”

When he’s done drawing those conclusions, he should figure out why people like Ray William Johnson.

In case you don’t have my Nikolai Valuev fansite bookmarked, he’s a 38-year old, 7-foot-tall Russian boxer who had to retire because his body is too big and who hasn’t fought professionally since a loss to David Haye back in 2008. He’s most famous for beating Evander Holyfield by decision without really beating him. Oh, and despite it being 2011 and our world being largely literate he is a giant-sized cryptozoologist and thinks a Sasquatch with a Twitter feed is a real thing that exists and compels him to wander the forests of Siberia. I don’t know why this is happening, but my best guess is that it’s an “O.J. is leading the search for the real killers” thing where he leads the rabble to keep them from noticing that he is basically the f**king Russian Yeti.

For more on the phenomenon and the giant, weird dudes who subscribe to it, please enjoy the following video, which is a thing.

Is the city of Narshe in Russia? Go there and look in the mines.

[h/t Bad Left Hook]

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