
Bill Walton (R) with UPROXX's own Vince Mancini
Yesterday, Deadspin reported that ESPN’s golden child and father of Grantland, Bill Simmons, had been unusually silent on Twitter for the past two days, and it turned out that the Worldwide Leader has placed a gag order on him after he criticized First Take’s horrible debate segment between Skip Bayless and Seattle Seahawks DB Richard Sherman. Simmons was arguably correct in saying that the whole thing was embarrassing for everyone involved, but that didn’t stop ESPN from laying the hammer of internal justice upon its most celebrated employee.
The reaction was interesting, in that a lot of people who haven’t liked Simmons for years were all like, “Oh snap, original Sports Guy back???” But I’m going to try to put the basic thought process into terms that Simmons fans might better understand. You know when your best friend starts dating a really hot girl but there’s more than meets the eye to her – like when Valerie Malone showed up on 90210 and started dating, well, everyone, right? – and when there’s finally a struggle between the two, you hope that your friend is going to see the light and dump her sorry ass. But then even when she leaves, he replaces her with Gina Kincaid and you’re like, “This guy just won’t ever learn.”
That’s what I took away from the bulk of reaction to Simmons’ hush-hush yesterday. But you want to know how Bill Walton took it? He took it as, “F*ck it, bros, I’mma say whatever the f*ck I want!”
While calling the PAC 12 tournament last night for ESPN, Walton dropped the following joke about arriving in a limo with all of the conference mascots:
“I was way in the back along with Ray Lewis, and it was unbelievable how much fun…”
Now, you could make the argument that Walton was simply acknowledging that Lewis had joined the network as an analyst. You could. But as you can see in the video, even his cohort Dave Pasch knew what he meant.
And then to make this all come full circle, while gushing about Southwest Airlines of all things, Walton is warned by Pasch that he better mention other airlines, to which Walton replied: “If they’re going to suspend Bill Simmons, anything is possible.”
In conclusion, Bill Walton should be allowed to say whatever he wants, because he is hilariously insane.
(Videos via Awful Announcing)
Dave Pasch: “Not going to go there… not going to go there… happy place…”
Walton: “F*CK YO COUCH, ESPN”
The last time Bill Walton had a fuck to give Richard Nixon was a popular president. I’d love to see him quit college bullshit and get back to working for the NBA. I’d pay $100 a month to the 420 channel just to watch Sheed and him get high and talk about basketball and weed.
Bill Walton: 0 f*cks given
Walton openly clowning ESPN…. LOVE IT!
I guess I don’t get the Bill Walton joke. Someone kindly explain it to me.
Yeah, I’m lost, too. Not a clue. Is Ray Lewis banging mascots?
Ray Ray as a furvert makes children cry … and stab their plush toys … while crying.
Well, Ray Lewis had traces of blood found in his limo after a double homicide back in 2000. And that’s why the joke is amazing… hell, he might have just been making a deer antler spray joke but not likely. And then burning Bill Simmons. He’s a legend. That Pasch guy set Walton up without realizing it, but wow. So awesome.
He used to broadcast the NBA playoffs years ago, and he was the absolute best. He was never afraid to say an unpopular opinion or call out a player or coach who performed poorly. I didn’t agree with all of his opinions but appreciated an announcer who spoke his mind instead of parroting the corporate groupthink.
Bill Walton is a douchenozzle. It’s absolutely insufferable to listen to him fellate UCLA’s entire squad when they play Arizona.
Then you weren’t watching this year. He was highly critical of UCLA and even led the charge to (eventually) get Ben Howland fired.
Then you weren’t watching when UCLA played Arizona, because he didn’t have a single word of criticism for them during those games.