Boycott Subway Until Happy Gilmore Gives Back His Gold Jacket

Philadelphia Eagles quarterback and assumed “trunking” expert Michael Vick took home a BET Award for Sportsman of the Year on Sunday night, and because of this (and stay with me here, because this doesn’t make a hell of a lot of sense) an animal rights group will be boycotting Subway restaurants.

You see, Subway was the sponsor for the Sportsman of the Year Award, and despite the fact that they didn’t name the nominees or the winner (and despite the fact the only connection to sports it has is giving Blake Griffin somewhere to eat breakfast) they have to pay for Vick’s dog-fighting past. I guess the animal rights group was okay eating at Subway despite decades of systematic slaughter of animals for food processing, but can’t handle this one football player who killed fewer dogs in his lifetime than the staff on a routine weekend at the city pound. And then there’s the more important point of “don’t you have something better to do with your life than eating Subway and watching the BET Awards?”

As someone who has a bloody, continuously-beating heart for animals and a sustained dislike of Michael Vick, even I think this is dumb. Sure, Vick winning a sportsman of the year award is sort of like giving Ron Swanson “Woman of the Year”, but who cares? Better reasons to boycott Subway would be “why haven’t I been able to get avocados here before 2011” or “why isn’t there something better to eat in my town than f**king Subway”.

In a related story, Miley Cyrus is up for best comedic performance for “Hannah Montana Forever” at this year’s Teen Choice Awards, so let’s show them how pissed we are by never eating Dorito’s.

[h/t Shutdown Corner]