Bryce Harper Is The Luckiest Man Alive

Senior Writer
03.21.13 11 Comments


The Washington Nationals are amazingly fortunate. The reigning NL East Champions have 20-year old phenom Bryce Harper locked up through 2018 for just (relative) pennies each year, and that allows the team to keep spending like crazy to build a winning team that won’t lose in the first round of the MLB Playoffs. Of course, if all goes to plan and Harper’s career unfolds as most people expect, he’ll eventually command the biggest payday in professional baseball history. Some goofballs even think it could be worth as much as $400 million.

Until then, poor Bryce has to get by on the $1 million-plus that he’s making each season, and sure, he bought himself a big fancy Mercedes with a Nationals logo and trunk full of bats, and sure, he has a big endorsement deal with Under Armour that pays him a ton to lift weights at a rave. But none of that is enough to put food on the table. At least not the unlimited free food that a young millionaire deserves these days.

Thank God Chipotle realized that and gave Harper that card above, which allows him a lifetime of free burritos. So where does that rank on the best moments of Harper’s young career? Amazingly, it’s not even close to No. 1.

Harper’s top moment is still when he took this picture with UFC’s Ring Girl of the Year Brittney Palmer last year.

Fortunately, Palmer made it clear the two were not dating, despite what one blogger who makes everything up wrote at the time. And Harper should be glad that she cleared that up, because if it had been true, I would have totally photoshopped myself beating him up.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty offended that a huge company is giving a millionaire athlete a lifetime of free tacos and burritos – the greatest food ever invented, mind you – but I’m still trying to keep it all in perspective.

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