Chicago Cubs Sign Donkey Lips

06.08.11 7 years ago 7 Comments

I wonder if sometimes Major League Baseball scouts get tired of evaluating potential and dissecting physical minutia and just want to say “f**k it” and sign the biggest, fattest, hardest hitting guy they can find. Bad guys in baseball movies are always these big fat mustachioed mashers, so why do few exist in real baseball?

Thankfully the future of any Rookie of the Year remake is sound, because the Chicago Cubs took 18-year old Daniel Vogelbach in the second round of the MLB Draft. He’s listed as 5-foot-11 and 285 pounds, but a quick look at that picture tells you his weight should be listed as “fat kid who joins the team because he’s tough.” The Cubs probably discovered this guy in an alley somewhere, hitting homeruns with discarded tin cans.

Vogelbach (Dugout screen name: ImBringinVogelbach) hit a 17 homers and drove in 50 RsBI in only 32 high school games last season and has0 won a ton of awards, so maybe he’s the second coming of John Kruk. Only, you know, great at baseball. With Bryce Harper already shaping up to be baseball’s top heel, maybe Vogelbach can settle into the role of everyman, and take the sport back from these naturally gifted, physically fit guys.

[H/T Sportsbank]

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