Right, let’s address it off the top. Remember last week when I left Adrian Peterson for dead and gave a Groupon to vultures in the area to feast on his corpse? *tugs collar for eternity* Not only did AP do well in his first game as a Cardinal, Peterson rushed for 134 yards, notched two touchdowns and earned NFC Offensive Player of the Week honors for his troubles. I wasn’t just wrong, I was spectacularly wrong. In the interest of transparency, here’s a list of Top 5 things I’ve been wrong about in my life.
1) I know my way around pleasuring a woman
2) Malt liquor DOES pair well with s’more Pop Tarts
3) My confidence in that GEICO Cavemen TV show will be proven correct over time
4) Adrian Peterson will eat sh*t against the Bucs in Week 6
5) I can totally kick that ATM’s ass. No, you’re drunk, security guard.
Gotta say, the Peterson thing ranks as the biggest shot to the ego. Anyway, now that I’ve undercut all my credibility, here are some options to invest in, avoid and consider for your daily fantasy football lineup.
Invest in Dak Prescott: Welcome back to fantasy (as well as boring) football, Dak Prescott. After a bye week, the Cowboys pivot gets to take on a winless 49ers football club that has as many regular season wins on the season as William H. Macy. Prescott was a fantasy numbers beast in his past three games and even a struggling Kirk Cousins was still able to notch over 300 passing yards, two passing TDs and one rushing end zone visit against hapless San Francisco. (NO HAPS! LACKING IN HAPS!) The Cowboys star is the second most expensive option of all QBs in all-day DraftKings Sunday contests and he’s worth the investment. Maybe send him a nice card too.
Avoid Jameis Winston: There’s a strong possibility that Jameis Winston has taken too much battle damage to play against the Bills and has doomed us to a RYAN FITZPATRICK GOES FOR REVENGE IN BUFFALO plot, which is something that should put the fear of God in all of us. If Winston does play, he’ll be doing after a week of limited practice and against a stingy Bills defense that has given up only two (2!) passing touchdowns all season. The reward is nowhere near the risk.
Consider Jared Goff: Towheaded large quarterback man Jared Goff has gone from a 2016 horrorshow to a QB that doesn’t have Rams fans (all half-dozen of them) reaching for the battery acid. Week 6 had Goff operating in a much more conservative capacity, but Sunday’s tilt in London could be a whole other story. Goff, a very reasonable $5,800 in DraftKings Sunday contests, will go up against a Cards squad with a very beatable defense and Patrick Peterson dragging his injured torso to Los Angeles to be 75% of Arizona’s defense. I wouldn’t trust Goff to rescue my family or co-own an All-Star Cafe franchise, but this is an option worth the gamble. Or as those Hollywood types might say, the juice IS worth the squeeze.
Invest in Kareem Hunt: Are you doing the Thu-Mon thing? Time to get decadent and bask in Kareem Hunt eating the Raiders alive on Thursday night. (You can toss on an old Caroline in the City if you want to really drive home the Thursdayness.) Oakland’s looked a mess and has been the third-worst team in the league over the past two weeks at stopping fantasy RBs from scoring. After a less than stellar outing by Hunt’s standards last week, the Raiders look primed for tomato can status versus the Chiefs multi-threat rusher.
Avoid Melvin Gordon: The Chargers, a franchise that has multimillionaires dress up with lightning costumes because entertainment, are rolling with two straight wins after a miserable start to the season. Week 7 won’t be kind to star running back Melvin Gordon (a $7,000 play in Sunday contests) against a strong Broncos defense looking for redemption after an embarrassing prime-time loss to the New York Giants who are a team rounding up stiffs at the bus station to fill in all their offensive roster holes. It’s not that Gordon’s doomed for some kind of sub 50 yard game with no scores or anything like that, it’s more that the Chargers rusher is playing with a higher degree of difficulty than usual. Tread carefully, although my close personal UPROXX fantasy football friend Jason Nawara seems to disagree.
Consider Jerick McKinnon: Minnesota’s running back situation has gone from hopeless to intriguing following the devastating injury that sidelined wonder rookie Dalvin Cook. Jerick McKinnon has managed to leapfrog Latavius Murray in terms of value in the Vikings offensive attack. The carries were pretty evenly split last week, but it was McKinnon that scored two touchdowns and has been more of a threat in Cook’s absence. Sunday sees McKinnon (a $6,300 investment) going against a Ravens defense that’s been all over the place in terms of quality and let Jordan Howard run for over 160 yards in a humiliating Week 6 OT loss to the Bears.
Invest in Julio Jones: Not sure if anyone in football has pointed this out, but the Atlanta Falcons had a bad time at February’s big Lady Gaga concert. The Falcons might not avenge their Super Bowl LI loss on Sunday, but the Matt Ryan and pals should knock the sugar out of the Pats defense in Week 7’s tilt. To be frank, Julio Jones has found himself hamstrung by new offensive coordinator Steve Sarkisian’s approach, but the Pats have been gifting points to wide receivers all year long like the philanthropists they are. Jones is an elite wideout and he has a tee-ball type set-up against the Pats. Bring on the breakout game.
Avoid Alshon Jeffery: Alshon Jeffery’s Philadelphia run has been a bit of a bust for anyone fantasizing big numbers and that’s been with Football Galoot Carson Wentz holding up his end of the bargain too. We know the potential for insane big play games is there and it’s matched up with the reality that Wentz isn’t giving the ex-Bear that much in the way of concentrated targets. The underwhelming totals are destined to continue in an NFC East contest against Washington who have been keeping opposing passing attacks limited and frustrating the folks trying to put numbers on the board. Jeffrey is due to have some sort of absurd contest, it’s just not worth the low floor that comes with the gamble.
Consider Robert Woods: In the mood to pair a potential blockbuster outing from Jared Goff with a worthy Rams receiver? Robert Woods might be your best bet. The Goff-Watkins chemistry doesn’t seem to be ideal, but Goff-Woods seems to be a more natural pairing. A reasonable gamble with a $4,000 salary, Woods has seen some strong outings in 2017 recently highlighted by a 7 catch performance against a tough Jags pass defense. The Cardinals have given up nine TDs to wide receivers this campaign and Woods is overdue to hit paydirt. It’s a risk, but at least worth a think.
Invest in Rob Gronkowski: Gronk can likely be blamed for Jinder Mahal holding the WWE title hostage, but that’s no reason not too just shrug and go “yeah, but he’s Gronk.” Rob Gronkowski is up against a Falcons team that keeps tight ends from raking in points, but as TE fantasy options go, the combo of Brady and Gronkoswki tends to supersede patterns and other brands of logic. It should be a high scoring affair, which means Gronk is getting in on the fun.
Avoid Martellus Bennett: Packers fans and fantasy GMs can agree that Martellus Bennett hasn’t come as advertised in 2017. An underwhelming 2017 campaign chugs on against the Saints who have given up zero scores to tight ends and yardage is in short supply too. Aaron Rodgers is out, so unless Brett Hundley and Bennett have matching pieces of a magical amulet, there’s no reason to have confidence in a potential Bennett breakout at Lambeau.
Consider Jack Doyle: Against the Titans, Jack Doyle was a rather popular option for Jacoby Brissett. Doyle led the Colts in targets, receptions and scored a touchdown too on the road against the Titans. The Jags will be a tough test for Indy’s offense and that means Doyle will continue to be leaned on. The Jags have done an impressive job at holding opposing receivers at bay this season while only being middle-of-the-road in terms of tight end shutdowns. At $3,400, a little Doyle could go a long way.
Have a great football, everybody! We’ll miss you, Gord.