Longtime readers of this site know that we love dogs as much as the next group of Internet nerds, and in many ways the Westminster Kennel Club’s Dog Show is like our Super Bowl. But this year’s show, the 138th of its kind, has really struck a chord with a new audience, because mixed breed dogs were allowed to compete for the first time ever, and proud mutt dads like myself finally got to daydream that it was our beloved pooches winning the Agility Trials.
Tonight’s coverage of the second day of the 138th Westminster Dog Show is still airing on USA, and the big winner has yet to be named. That matters little to me, though, because I would make the worst dog show judge on the face of the planet. Ultimately, I’d want to roll around and give delicious cookie treats to all of the doggies in the middle of the arena, so I could throw my arms in the air and declare all of them the winner.
So instead of waiting for the actual Best in Show winner, I’m just going to go ahead and rank 25 of the dogs based on the adorable photos that have been taken since the festivities began last weekend. I’m scientific and fair if anything.
Side note: Before you dive into my meaningful photo essay on the elegance and cultural importance of the Westminster Dog Show, I’d like to reiterate how awesome it is that the mixed breeds are involved now. For example, Millie in the banner image is a rescue dog, as is Emma, who was the subject of a story in the Globe and Mail, and I urge you to go read it now. It will melt your heart, and if you, like me, adopted a dog from a near-death situation, I guarantee you’ll hug it harder than ever.
Other side note: I’m very, very biased to bulldogs. That is all.
25. Look at this tiny dog being brushed!
24. This goofy dog looks like Judy Greer!
23. Haha, someone’s getting his hair did!
22. This dog should lick that grumpy guy’s face.
21. Corgi legs are about the cutest damn thing on the planet.
20. I picture this dog jumping into a kiddy pool filled with baby ducks.
19. Just imagine the slobber. Still adorable.
18. It’s like watching a cloud with eyeballs run.
17. I’m pretty sure this is what heaven might look like.
15. I know people who think pugs are ugly and those people are ugly in here. *taps heart*
14. I want to give this doggy a Frosty Paw so he’ll smile.
13. Can you imagine a factory line of English bulldogs? I CAN.
12. If this guy used this as his Match.com profile picture, he’d be dating Kate Upton.
11. Red rocket aside, Hooch is the coolest.
10. You don’t even know how much I want to pick this bully up and snuggle that face for days.
9. PEW! PEW! PEW!
8. I would spend the rest of my life tossing little treats into that mouth.
7. If there was a spell that could make St. Bernards remain puppies forever, I would be like Gandalf.
6. God, I can’t even.
5. Oh Lord, this is so ridiculous already.
4. SOMEONE HELP THAT F*CKING CORGI DOWN!
3. *throws monitor out the window*
2. *goes outside, gets monitor, pulls up PetFinder.com and adopts every dog on Earth*
1. YOU NEVER STOP RUBBING THAT TUMMY, LADY! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!
(Photos via Getty)