Let’s just get this out of the way first. You may have clicked on this fine Uproxx Sports article while asking yourself, “this…this is sports?” On a slow internet Thursday in May, why yes…yes it is.
Now that that’s been addressed, let’s get to it. In the video above you’ll see a guy named Krishna Kumar recently breaking the world record for most hugs given by an individual in one minute. Kumar hugged 79 different kids in 60 seconds — averaging out to 1.3 hugs per second — at a school in Pradesh, India.
That achievement looks quite impressive on paper but, as the video shows, there are some serious issues that need to be addressed. First of all, let’s go ahead and reference Wikipedia’s definition of a hug.
A hug is a form of physical intimacy, universal in human communities, in which two people put their arms around the neck, back, or waist of one another and hold each other closely. If more than two persons are involved, this is informally referred to as a group hug.
As we well know, all Wikipedia entries are 100 percent correct. So, by that definition, a hug requires participation from at least two people. Now let’s roll the tape:
Does that look like two people embracing each other to you? Looks to me like one grown man grabbing children by the shoulders and literally throwing them into his chest, which is questionable in any setting or context. And this wasn’t a case of just a few kids in line mailing it in, either. Like 99 percet of these kids looked like they had absolutely no interest in taking part in this thing, not that I can blame them.
Obviously, a full embrace will likely decrease your hugs/second average, but this is the Guinness Book of World Records we’re talking about here. You shouldn’t just get to cut corners! I’m outraged! I bet the previous holder of this important record had more respect for the hug.
Another thing that needs to be addressed is how much of a disaster this assembly line was. Not only most of the kids look like they didn’t want to participate, some of them even looked like they were trying to intentionally sabotage it.
Just look at these kids. Some of them are legitimately trying to avoid getting hugged like they didn’t know what they signed up for.
And how about this kid? He didn’t even wait for his hug. He just took a punch to the head and moved on.
I hope that one didn’t count as an official hug or else we’re gonna have a scandal on our hands!
But seriously, how hard is it to keep moving in an orderly line, hug a dude and then move along? In words of Uproxx Sports’ managing editor Chris Mottram, these kids were really “gumming up the works.” That’s an old person phrase that I had to Google, but he’s right. Regardless of result, this process was a disaster.
There are two lessons to be learned here: Never trust what you read in a book (unless it’s on Wikipedia) and never rely on kids to do anything.
PS — Gotta respect this guy’s ass-out form, though. No room for funny business.
Double PS — Look at those sweat stains. I told you this was sports.