Here’s The Team I’m Using To Destroy You And Win $1000 Playing Free Week 5 Fantasy Football

A gain of negative six yards. (via Getty Image)

As we mentioned yesterday, this week’s UPROXX-exclusive (and FREE) fantasy football game through Draftstreet is giving you a chance to win your share of $1,000 in prizes. It’s something you should’ve signed up for already.

But hey, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you don’t know how to do it. If that’s the case, here, I’ll show you. Here’s the team I put together, with a 100% chance of finishing strong. And by “finishing strong” I mean to type, “way, way behind your team.”

Not bad, right? Here’s my thought process:

– Peyton Manning at QB. I can’t go with anybody else, can I? It’s like not picking Babe Ruth in a Babe Ruth contest. The guy could cost $99,999 and I’d probably draft him.

– I’m going against the horribleness of my actual, ongoing fantasy team and drafting Arian Foster at RB. He’s been a disappointment thus far, but I’ve got faith in the guy and think this’ll be his big breakout week. This is when Arian Foster starts playing like Arian Foster again, and Ben Tate gets to go home and watch TV.

– The Ravens are suddenly aware that they should throw the ball to Ray Rice every now and then, so I put him in my other RB spot. Gonna double up ‘dem stats. I have no idea how to play fantasy football.

– Nate Washington and Charles Clay both have something to prove, so I think they’re gonna have big weeks. This year’s been bizarre with TEs going in and out of vogue on a week-to-week basis, but maybe Clay will transcend that. I put Tannehill in as my backup QB because hey, somebody’s got to THROW the ball to Clay, and Peyton already took up a fifth of my budget.

– The 49ers are playing the Texans this week. That guarantees me at least one pick-6. Thanks for something finally, Matt Schaub!

If you think my team is an embarrassment, sign up and make a better one. Let me know who you picked and why down in our comments section. The games happen on the rosters lock on Sunday, so get your team in as soon as you can. Go ahead, take my money.