Kris Humphries’ Wife Is Pregnant With Kanye West’s Baby Now

There was a rumor earlier this year that Kim Kardashian was pregnant with Kanye West’s baby, but everyone in her camp of evil harpies denied it because it would have meant that she had been sleeping with West while she was still “happily married” to Brooklyn Nets forward Kris Humphries and then he could have taken her to court and shouted, “Hurrrrr, pay up, derp.” Well now it’s official – Kardashian is indeed preggers, as West announced the conception of the antichrist at his concert in Atlantic City last night.

West delivered the news to a crowd of 5,000 at the casino hotel’s Ovation Hall in song form: “Now you having my baby.”

The 35-year-old West told concertgoers to congratulate his “baby mom” and that this was the “most amazing thing” as the crowd roared

Kardashian confirmed the news a few hours later on her official site. (Via the New York Daily News)

And then somewhere, while perched atop her throne of devoured skulls, Kris Jenner shouted, “DAMN YOU, KANYE! THAT NEWS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SOLD!” Then she rescheduled Kendall’s upcoming photoshoot with Penthouse, probably.

So what, then, does this mean for Humphries’ divorce, which has already famously cost a ton of money, as it has dragged on longer than his actual marriage to the woman who rose to fame for being Paris Hilton’s friend before releasing an amateur sex tape with Brandy’s brother and now pretends to be ashamed of that video even though she’s created an empire that endears toxic behavior and success without merit? *deep breath*

For an expert opinion, I turned to With Leather’s foremost legal authority, Danger Guerrero, who responded with this official insight…

Case closed.