Looking For A Super Bowl XLVIII Snack? Try Some ‘Hot Skittles Sausage’

If there’s one thing that people know about the Seattle Seahawks, it’s that everyone either loves or hates Richard Sherman. But if there’s a far less needlessly divisive thing that people know about the Seahawks, it’s that Marshawn Lynch absolutely f*cking loves Skittles, and he’s right to, because they’re the greatest fruit-flavored candy ever created. If you agree with my HOT SPROTS CANDY TAEK, then you might be interested in a little meat gem known as “Beast Mode! Hot Skittles Sausage,” available from the fine folks at Blue Max Meats in scenic Puyallup, Washington.

Blue Max co-owner Tommy Marshall admits that the idea of spicy sausage laced with Skittles catches people off guard, but he also claims that once they’ve tried it, they absolutely love it. Unfortunately, my Super Bowl XLVIII recipe for Starburst-flavored short ribs has been met with greater disgust and diabetes.

As indifferent as I am toward the Seahawks, I’ll be impressed if fans step up their game next season by throwing sausages at the field when Lynch scores. They’ll be the loudest and best fed fans in the NFL.