Manny Ramirez Quits The A's, Does These Drugs, Has Cancer Hair

Pro Wrestling Editor
06.19.12 11 Comments

Manny Ramirez asked the Oakland Athletics to release him from his minor league contract on Friday, and they obliged.

“It looked like he was down there for a while and I think he wanted out,” A’s manager Bob Melvin said. “He wanted an opportunity, if we weren’t going to do something, to go somewhere else. It is what it is. Certainly we wish him the best.”

“Manny believes he has demonstrated that he is ready to return to the major leagues,” Ramirez’s agents, Barry Praver and Scott Shapiro, said in a statement. “However, given that the Oakland Athletics could not give Manny any assurance that they plan to promote him in the immediate future he asked for his release. Manny thanks the A’s for providing him with this opportunity.” (via

As straightforward as that seems, a helpful YouTube upload reveals that desire and opportunity had nothing to do with it — Manny Ramirez, posing under the name “Manny Rodriguez”, was making the Sacramento Rivercats less wholesome and giving them cancer with his dreadlocks. Just like Lance Armstrong The Bike Guy! A local 69-year old fuddy duddy reports:

According to the Bible, having long hair leads to “doing these drugs”, which leads to abortion and gay marriage. Also, it looks like a girl! You’re welcome, America.

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