Nickelback: Not The Solution To Hockey’s Depression Problem

A “major Canadian concert act” is scheduled to perform at next month’s NHL FaceOff in Winnipeg. Who could it be? The Barenaked Ladies? (The Barenaked Ladies are triple platinum. Are you?) Maybe Sarah McLachlan will show up with an eight-minute ballad about “shelter” and a crate full of one-eyed kittens. Whatever they come up with, it couldn’t be worse than the NFL bringing in Kid Rock, Maroon 5 and Lady Antebellum to christen the new NFL season, right? Right?

Before you assume the people in charge of professional sports don’t want us to kill ourselves, consider that the band could be Nickelback.

Thankfully, the people of Winnipeg (and all good people in this world) are fighting back — by way of Deadspin (+1) comes an open letter published a few days ago in the Winnipeg Free Press urging the NHL to not ruin the Jets’ return to Winnipeg with a concerto from Chad Kroeger And His Stooges.

As people who love music and love Winnipeg even more, we have a request: Please ensure this does not happen. The return of the NHL to Winnipeg is something we have been dreaming about for 15 years. Please do not sully the celebration with the presence of a band whose existence is antithetical to the very concept of celebration.

Please, Person In Charge Of Booking This Event, do not bring Nickelback to Winnipeg that weekend. They can play the arena to their own fans — of which there are many — any time. But a free public performance? That would be tantamount to spitting on Bobby Hull’s toupee, burning Dale Hawerchuk’s jersey, leaving something wet on Thomas Steen’s city council seat or tripping Teemu Selanne on the ice during his final season in the NHL.

Strong words, but strong words are necessary to preserve the morale of a sport going through three player suicides since May. You may want to type, “come on, Nickeback isn’t that bad, they’re just a rock band, if you don’t like them you don’t have to listen”. Want to know why professional wrestling has such a problem with premature deaths? It probably has something to do with this:

I would rather somebody put landmines in the MTS Centre.