05.24.07 11 years ago 21 Comments

Paris Hilton's physical feats go beyond dancing on tables and stuffing cocks anywhere they'll fit.  She also played hockey in high school, and lists it as one of her top talents besides shopping and cooking:

Hilton says, "(I played) at high school in Connecticut at boarding school. I was on the ice hockey team."

"I don't know (what position I played). I would always move around, I wasn't just one position."

Aww, that's sweet.  The hockey team made her an official teammate after she screwed everyone on varsity.  Paris, honey, that position is called "groupie."

But seriously, if she actually played in a hockey game, I'm officially impressed.  Because chimpanzees and dolphins are way smarter than Paris Hilton, and even they can't ice skate.  Whoever got this animal to stop looking in the mirror long enough to teach her to skate on ice should get nominated for the Nobel Prize.  Or at least get a cushy job at Sea World.

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