Screw NASCAR, Let’s Watch Chairs Race

With the futures of the NFL and National Basketball Association in jeopardy, we’re facing a world that would only offer us one great sport in baseball. After that, we’re left with that one game with the sticks and that other one with no hands. Thankfully, the cultural evolutionists in Germany are keeping their legacy of insanity and the future of sports alive, as the country hosted the third annual Office Chair Championships over the weekend.

The big winner was Pierre Feller of Luxembourg, as he bested a field of over 50 competitors while setting a new course record. Feller completed the 200-meter course in just under 27 seconds while hitting a top speed of 35 kph. My math may be off, but I believe 200-meters is 6,000 miles and 35 kph is light speed.

So how did Pierre do it, The Local?

“His lying-down technique was sensational!” gushed organizer René Karg of Feller’s winning run, before pointing out the strict regulations in place for the third championship of its kind: the chairs are allowed to be fitted with inline-skate wheels and handles, but no kind of motorized aid is permitted.

“We check each chair in advance,” said Karg.

See that, Major League Baseball? They check each chair in advance so there are no PED scandals here. Finally, a clean sport that I can get behind. And I’m already on my way. My co-workers call my office chair “Skid Marks”. Then again, that might have something to do with my love of Mexican food.

(Banner via MSNBC Photo Blog)