Shocking: Lawyers Are Taking Their Sweet Ass Time With Roger Clemens

Senior Writer
04.18.12 3 Comments

Inside his notebook? BBQ recipes and smut.

Back in 2008, former Boston Red Sox, Toronto Blue Jays, Houston Astros and New York Yankees pitcher Roger Clemens might have lied to a U.S. House Committee when precious time and taxpayer money was used to determine whether or not the Rocket used steroids and human growth hormones during his Major League Baseball career. Because if there’s one thing the people of this fine country care about in an election year, it’s the sanctity of a sport.

Now, Clemens’ perjury and obstruction of justice trial is underway, as the third day of jury selection has begun. In 2008, Clemens and his lawyer, Rusty Hardin, faced off against two attorneys. This time – in a trial to determine whether or not a guy lied – they’ll face 5 lawyers. So take a wild guess what that means.

The mind-numbing task of choosing a jury for Clemens’ retrial has gone on for two days and might not be done by the end of the week.

“Things aren’t going as fast as I thought,” said U.S. District Judge Reggie Walton.

The only quick rounds Tuesday were the 11 jurors who were excused for one reason or another — including some who said religious prohibitions against judging others would prevent them from serving. (Via the Seattle Post Intelligencer)

Now I’m no big city slicker legal lawyer type or nothin’, but I have been known to pay my taxes on occasion and I, for one, am not only glad that our government is taking down such a heinous Bond villain like Clemens, whose evil plan to throw broken bats at innocent people all over the world threatens justice and civility for all, but that they’re going to spend a sh*t ton of money in doing so.

It will all be worth it when the conviction of Clemens ends poverty and hunger in America and restores our education system to No. 1 in the world.

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