Swedish Sweater Swap Paralyzes German News, Creeps, Weirdos

Have you ever been to a baseball game and seen your favorite player warming up a few feet in front of you, but when you call out his name or try to ask him for an autograph he waves at you and moves or just ignores you completely? It’s not because he’s a dick, it’s because in today’s sports media world literally any interaction between an athlete and another human being will be reported, analyzed, misinterpreted and manipulated to suit the needs of a writer.
Such is the case of Josefine Öqvist, a Swedish soccer player who traded her jersey for a fan’s t-shirt following Sweden’s 1-0 victory over North Korea in group play of the Women’s World Cup on Saturday. I haven’t read anything explaining why she did it; she was probably just being cool and affable, because hey, she’d just won a World Cup game. 35 years ago they would’ve turned it into a Coke commercial. But today isn’t 35 years ago, it’s 35 minutes ago, so German News reported the incident and put a gigantic black bar across her torso to “censor” it.

So either the German news wanted us to think she’d been playing a World Cup soccer game without a bra and decided to flash everyone in the crowd, or the image of a woman in a sports bra was so potentially damaging to German children that it had to be halted. The best part of the video (besides NEIN! across her chest) is the higest rated YouTube comment, which reads like it was written by Kyle Farnsworth:

What the f**k in the world is that f**ken black box doing there she was f**ken dressed
jnmexico1997 19 hours ago

The uncensored version is now available, which you can watch after the cut.

Exactly as scandalous as you thought it’d be without the bar, right? The top rated comment for this one is perfect, too.

damn I was hoping for tits
AlehorTheShadow 19 hours ago

That has 105 thumbs up, at the time of this posting. Alehor The Shadow must’ve been that guy who opened up the shrink wrapping to take the cover off of the The Girl Next Door Unrated DVD at my local Best Buy because he really thought Elisha Cuthbert’s naked boobs were gonna be under it.
Those on the Internet not satisfied with “lol boobs” or “that’s one way to get her to do your laundry” jokes have taken to MASKLESS SHADOW GOVERNMENT PROTESTING, as seen here. “ViralVideoAttack” helpfully explains that Josefine looked around to make sure the KGB weren’t present before she gave a fan her shirt. The KGB. In Germany, during a Swedish and Korean soccer game.

So if you’re a guy who writes acerbic little paragraphs about sports news on a comedy blog, where do you go with this? The Jabbawockeez guy already made it as funny as possible. My only choice is to present these videos as they are, then shuffle you to the next several pages where an awesome, muscly torso and a sort-of-Melissa-Joan-Hart face gives you a new favorite womens soccer player. Who is a bitch. And naked. Ugh, what am I, writing for Busted Coverage now?

Wait a minute, is this magazine called “Slutz”?