Tampa Bay Buccaneers Season Preview: Jameis’ Crabs On The Scene

09.06.15 4 years ago

Last Year: 2-14, worst of the worst

Key Acquisitions: FAMOUS JAMEIS, TE Tim Wright, DT Henry Melton, OLB Bruce Carter, S Chris Conte.

Key Losses: QB Josh McCown, DE Michael Johnson, DE Adrian Clayborn, S Dashon Goldson.

The Bucs were so bad last year. The NFC South was a disaster and the Bucs were the biggest tire on fire. It was just…it was so bad. So bad. Josh McCown started football games in the year of our lord 2014. But hey, that one time they beat the Steelers was really funny.

Josh McCown is gone. In his place is the savior of Tampa, Jameis “Probably A Rapist” Winston. Jameis enters the league in a surprisingly good situation for going to a 2-14 team. The Bucs offense is actually loaded. Mike Evans was a legitimate contender for offensive rookie of the year last year and if OBJ hadn’t exploded just slightly more, he probably would have won it. Vincent Jackson is getting older but he’s still very capable of lighting up defenses. Doug Martin is still the RB and although he seems to have fallen off a cliff since he was a rookie, this is a contract year, and for some players that might be motivation enough. The offensive line is not great. The biggest question, though, will always be Jameis.

If Jameis was going to fall in the draft, it was not due to his football skills. He’s not a perfect prospect, but it’s undeniable that he can play the game and has a chance to be good. His question marks are all about his personality. He’s proven himself to be an immature dick, and now he’s surrounded by NFL talent, both with him and against him. If he can get there mentally, he might be a star. Bucs fans would certainly wish that. I think the rest of us would probably enjoy watching him burn instead.

The defense is a bigger question. Gerald McCoy is a stud, and that’s about it. Well, maybe some Lavonte David action. As for the rest of them, not great. Lovie Smith is a great defensive guy but you need a little more talent to reach something meaningful. Chris Conte is not that talent.

There are no real expectations for the Bucs this season. Lovie’s job is safe barring catastrophe, and this year will mostly be watching the Bucs and Jameis try to start the rebuild. The NFC South might still be a joke so don’t count them out, but if the Bucs end up with five wins or less, I doubt people will be surprised.

Buccaneers Fan perspective brought to you by Fan Verdict by Joe Sage:

New Cases of MRSA: NONE
Departed bad catch phrase: It’s a Bucs Life
New bad catch phrase: Siege The Day.
Vegas 2015 win total over/under: 6
Verdict: UNDER
Number of crab legs stolen by Jameis Winston: 3
Verdict: OVER

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are what Florida deserves. After living in this state for a number of years I can tell you: no one really gives a shit about sports here unless they’re indoors. Even then, if you’re not a WINNER you’re probably going to only have a trickling of fans going to the games. Which, really, who would actually go to Raymond James during a day game? It’s fucking miserable. The humidity is 80% and it’s 95 degrees outside so everyone smells like a moldy hot pocket. Not to mention there’s a good chance a hobo will be giving you some special sauce on your $9 hot dog.

This team lucked into a Super Bowl against an idiot Raiders team that didn’t even bother to change their play-calling. Otherwise you have a franchise that’s gone 241-385-1 and removed the one of the best uniforms (creamsicles!) for some dumb mascot pirate that isn’t Bucco Bruce. The team was dogshit last year enough to somehow get the option of which QB they were going to ruin. Our lasting memory with anything people give a damn about was Brad fucking Johnson because super bowl, unless you want to argue whether Doug Williams or Trent Dilfer was better.

My prediction is that Jameis Winston will get murdered by a porous offensive line much to everyone’s delight, Doug Martin will still be bad, and Lavonte David will be criminally underrated on a bad team.
They can’t be AS bad as last year, so I’m giving them 4-10 and everyone jumping for Schadenfreude whenever Jameis gets wrecked in the backfield.

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