Sports

The Dugout Opening Days '12: Detroit Tigers

Or, “Dude, yer gettin’ arrested for a hate crime”.

From the Detroit Free Press:

Detroit Tigers outfielder Delmon Young was arrested and faces a hate crime-related charge in connection with a dispute outside a hotel along New York’s 6th Avenue early this morning, a New York police spokesman told the Free Press.

“Basically, there was an incident at the hotel (and) some anti-Semitic remarks,” said Det. Joseph Cavitolo, who added that alcohol was involved.

Our exclusive, three-part report on this very serious matter is after the jump.

The Dugout

 

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Welcome to the New York 6th Avenue Chatroom!

 
JewishMan: Excuse me, sir, have you ever noticed–  
DudeYerGettinADelmon: AW HELL NAW  
 

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DudeYerGettinADelmon is now choking the hell out of a Jewish Man.

 
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The Dugout

 

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Welcome to the New York Police Department Chatroom!

 
DudeYerGettinADelmon: naw naw see yall puttin words in my mouth  
DudeYerGettinADelmon: why da f**k would i say i hate juice i luh dat shit juice is f**ken delicious  
LadyCop: …and right here on the report it’s got a forward slash followed by “whips bat mitzvah”  
DudeYerGettinADelmon: yee  
LadyCop: I don’t think you know what that means.  
DudeYerGettinADelmon: like a quinceanera but fa lil white bitches dont look at me like i ain know what a bat mitzvah be

i threw that shit right at em

 
LadyCop: So what exactly caused this attack?  
DudeYerGettinADelmon: drank  
LadyCop: and you attacked the man because he was Jewish?  
DudeYerGettinADelmon: nah see, at ain righ  
DudeYerGettinADelmon: yes i did choke the hell out of that man fa bein jewish an yee when i chokt his ass i screamt out ‘f**k u jew pig die up in a kike furnist with ya muf**in himy scrootch mcduck actin famly’ an all but that is just one statement i have said from my life  
DudeYerGettinADelmon: ax anybody who know me i ain a racist  
LadyCop: Excuse me, sir?  
DuLoveBelow: Yes yes what is it  
LadyCop: Would you say Delmon Young is racist?  
DuLoveBelow: loooool  
LadyCop: /glares at Delmon  
DudeYerGettinADelmon: why doncha ax somebody who aint a bitchass whiteass bitchass white-assid muf**ka who dead fa real as soon as i figure out how ta tex gun pics /glares at Duane  
DuLoveBelow: gulp  
DudeYerGettinADelmon: lissen police bitch i aint racist i said n**ga at least 65 times taday an only 40-45 of em was negative  
DudeYerGettinADelmon: jus because i say ‘i hate you fa bein a jew imma kill ya jew ass fa bein a honky jew lemme move at yammaka so i can stab ya in ya jew heart’ dont mean im antisemetic, the statement is antisemetic  
DudeYerGettinADelmon: i just said the bad statement it had lil ta nothin ta do wit me  
LadyCop: and you seriously believe that  
DudeYerGettinADelmon: got ta  
LadyCop: you know you’re really going to regret living your life like this when you’re dead, right?  
DudeYerGettinADelmon: pfft like thatll eva happen  
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The Dugout

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Welcome to the Heaven In 2051 Chatroom!

 
SaintPeter: approach, child, for you are GRRKKKK /collapses  
 

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SaintPeter has been struck by a flying bat.