What to watch for in this weekend's biggest match-ups. Home team in ALL CAPS.
Braves over CARDINALS — I say the Mark Teixeira homerpalooza continues this weekend in St. Louis.
INTERNET PROFITS over Internet Romance — Internet romance is shrouded in too many veils for my taste. Meanwhile, a stripper in Vegas inspired Jason Grunstra to start a business to get women breast implants. I know the feeling. I've often been inspired by Vegas strippers. To masturbate. Blind drunk. At six in the morning. In the hotel bathroom.
Gabriel Gonzaga over Randy Couture — I picked Cro Cop over Gonzaga last time, and Cro Cop promptly got kicked in the temple. Couture's a smart fighter, but I think Gonzaga's simply too much of a badass. Reiteration: I'm an idiot at picking anything, so there you go.
Ana Ivanovic over MARIA SHARAPOVA — And I'm not talking about the U.S. Open. Unless it's being held in my pants this year. Hey-O! (Check out the Ana slideshow at Darren Rovell's Sports Biz blog)
DATE RAPE versus Finger Rape (pick 'em) — American hoops player gets 18 months in the hoosegow for putting his fingers where they don't belong.
Have a great weekend, everyone. I know that I joke about it a lot, but PLEASE don't rape anyone. As always, check in over the weekend for more goodness.