With Leather’s Watch This: It’s A Baby Ostrich House Party

What on Earth is happening here? And how pissed off are the people in the apartment below them? If I lived underneath this ostrich house party, I’d at least demand that I be the first to get to ride one of the ostriches when it reaches full size. Being someone’s neighbor is about making compromises.

As for tonight, or as most of us call it, the Worst Night of the Year for Sports, here’s what you can watch on TV…

Live sports? Nada. Live meaningless sports awards? Well, you’re in luck.

The ESPYs – 9 PM ET on ESPN

Who will win the award of Most Clutch? Who will take home Best Championship in Sports You Can’t Compare? Which athlete will be declared Biggest Locker Room Cancer? How About Most Overpaid Bag of Worthless Ass? Most Untradeable Contract? Biggest Dick to Children? Worst Father and All-Around Role Model? Most Likely to Eat a Puppy if it Means Better Performance?

Oh, that’s right – the ESPYs aren’t that fun.

WWE Main Event – 7 PM ET on ION

Tonight, tune in as John Cena blah, blah white guy in jean shorts recycling something he said last year.

Tour de France: Stage 17 – 8 PM ET on NBC Sports

More like BORE DE FRANCE! That’s f*cking hilarious.