With Leather's Watch This: Please Bring Back 'Battle Of The Network Stars'

I know you will all be watching Monday Night Raw on the heels of last week’s “Not terrible” show, especially since The Rock will be appearing tonight to say witty things that people repeat in unison. I’ll probably be watching, too, since post-NFL season Monday nights are boring as hell. However, there’s a very good chance that I’m going to be watching ESPN Classic during the commercials, as the WWL’s throwback channel will be airing an episode of Battle of the Network Stars.

The original celebrity competition reality TV, Battle of the Network Stars should still be around today, especially on ABC. Just thinking about Manny from Modern Family being shot into the sky as a human cannonball and all of the things that could possibly go wrong just makes me smile. It’s so much better than J-Woww belly-flopping into a pool.

Please bring back Battle of the Network Stars, ABC. Or at least let TLC have the rights so they can load their show casts up with anthrax.

Monday Night Raw – 8 PM ET on USA

Here is a list of names that The Rock can call CM Punk tonight:

  • Cucumber Mustache
  • Corn Meal
  • Carrot Man
  • Cockney Midget
  • Cow Moo-moo
  • Crazy Mary
  • Caterpillar Mouth

Any of those would be hilarious insults, perfect for The Rock to use.

NCAA Basketball: Kansas State at Kansas – 9 PM ET on ESPN

A few weeks back, I bravely declared that Olivia Wilde had assumed the throne of college basketball’s Most Attractive Celebrity Fan for her support of the Kansas Jayhawks, as Kentucky Wildcats fan Ashley Judd, while having a cool boy’s name, had kind of run her course. Apparently Judd heard my message loud and clear, and she announced that she was going to leave being super hot and awesome to Wilde in order to focus on supporting her state as a hot politician.

Unfortunately, Karl Rove’s political action committee, Rich Men Who Look Like Thumbs, has already created its first attack ad for Judd’s eventual winning campaign. Have we no shame, humanity?

Normally, I’m a staunch defender of my right to hide behind the “Keep Your Politics Out of My Sports” tag because I hate talking about politics, but in this case I have to recommend that everyone in Kentucky vote for Judd when the time comes. Or, to be fair and balanced, her opposition should be another hot, older actress like Diane Lane. Then everyone wins!