All You Need To Know About The Honey Boo Boo Girl Scout Cookie Controversy

Okay, here’s what happened.

So Honey Boo Boo’s friend walked up to her and was all “OMG I need to sell Girl Scout cookies OMG” and Honey Boo Boo was like “Well why don’t I just put a link on my ding dang Facebook page and we can sell ’em to my 700,000 fans and I’ll offer to autograph ’em and stuff,” and her friend was all “OMG Okay OMG” because there are apparently lots of people out there who actually and for seriously will pay money for a box of cookies that a child beauty pageant contestant scribbled her name on, and the Founding Fathers heard about this plan in heaven and were like “GUUUUUUUUUUUUUH.”

But then the Girl Scouts of America were all “No wait you can’t do that because of fairness or something and WAIT A MINUTE are you even a Girl Scout, Honey Boo Boo?” and Honey Boo Boo shook her head side to side while chasing a Sam’s Club-size bag of Pixie Stix with a two-liter bottle of Jolt Cola to indicate she wasn’t one, so the Girl Scouts were like “Yeah well then you have to take the thing off your page because it defeats the purpose somehow I don’t know just stop” and I was all “GOD WILL YOU PEOPLE JUST SHUT UP AND GIVE ME SOME SAMOAS?” but then Mama June was like “Imma ding dang keep doin’ it anyway” so apparently the thing is still up on the page somewhere and eventually everyone in America will get diabetes and die anyway so who cares.

The end.