Throughout the show’s run, the Always Sunny gang has existed as a kind of burden on both the available men and women of the city of Philadelphia, leaving a trail of shattered hearts and tormented minds behind. Because there’s no coming back unchanged from an up close experience with Charlie’s obsessiveness, Dee’s desperation, Mac’s denial, and Dennis’ stalkerish tendencies.
For viewers, however, there are nuggets of wisdom to be gained from the romantic pitfalls of the Paddy’s Pub crew, and with Valentine’s Day around the corner, there’s no better time to examine their relationship missteps. In short, whatever the It’s Always Sunny gang does when it comes to dating and love, it’s probably a good idea to do the opposite.
Don’t Get Weird On Your Dating Profile
The online dating profile is your resume for getting a date, so it’s important that you try to come off like a functioning member of society and not a nutjob who keeps cardboard box filled with hornets. Charlie’s not online, so it’s up to Mac and Dennis to set up his dating profile and attempt to make him presentable to the unsuspecting single females of Philly.
Be honest (more on that later), but maybe don’t reveal that you have a dislike of people’s knees. As for your dating profile photo, if it looks anywhere near as bad as Charlie Kelly’s, maybe just skip the online dating thing altogether.
Don’t Apply The D.E.N.N.I.S. System
The D.E.N.N.I.S. System might be ideal if you’re a dirtbag of a person like Dennis Reynolds, but for those of you who aren’t sociopaths, not so much. The sexual mindf*ck works so well for Dennis mostly because he has a gaping void in the part of his brain where empathy should be, but for the rest of us, it’s bound to have consequences.
If it’s been awhile since you watched the season five episode, Dennis teaches a lesson on wooing his potential mates with a series of steps that begins with “D — demonstrate value” and end with “S — separate entirely.” As malicious and deceitful as Dennis’ dating technique is, the first letter isn’t entirely a no-go. Creatures of just about every species on the planet attempt to woo a mate by demonstrating value — only in Dennis’ case, he does so by making up a story about an ill grandmother. Again, don’t follow his lead.
Don’t Pretend To Be Someone You’re Not
Pretending to be a hot-shot Texas millionaire who made their fortune in the boiled denim industry might get you a date, but the false front will crumble eventually. Charlie deserves some credit for trying to help Frank get lucky with a “non-pro,” but their plan of having Frank play the humble limo driver who fills in for Charlie after he pretends to become ill was destined for disaster from the start. The old saying “be yourself” might be cliché, but it’s also solid advice for avoiding unnecessary relationship troubles. The last thing you want is your date covered in your projectile fake blood vomit because you invented some bogus backstory for yourself.
Don’t Be So Blind That You Miss Out On A Good Thing
In an odd twist of circumstance that would be next to impossible even in some fourth dimension where everything is backward, Charlie manages to convince a beautiful and wealthy woman to fall for him. The episode “Charlie and Dee Find Love” was bound to end badly, but for a brief second, it looked like Charlie might have had a real chance with Ruby Taft (Alexandra Daddario). Thing is, he was simply using Ruby to make the Waitress jealous.
Should your own Ruby Taft come along, try to recognize your luck and not screw it up. It’s the Trevor Tafts that you have to watch out for.
Don’t Be So Blind That You Miss The Signs That You Have A Bad And Unhealthy Thing
You know how it goes: Charlie pines for the Waitress and then he’s repeatedly served a hot crock of rejection. On the surface, his chances with her shouldn’t be so disastrous as they have a lot in common — drinking… they’re both people.One would think that eventually she’d give Charlie a chance, but not even creating an elaborate musical impressed her enough to give Charlie the time of day. There’s a clear lesson here in Charlie’s misery — persistence is admirable, but sometimes you just gotta throw in the towel.
Yes, the Waitress was actually nice to Charlie when she was high at the Jersey Shore, but if your romantic interest is only nice to you when they’re on drugs, a relationship probably isn’t in the cards. It’s also probably not worth pursuing a romance with somebody if they’re willing to have sex with Frank Reynolds.
