An Open Letter To Kim And Kanye On Their Baby's Name

06.21.13 5 years ago 41 Comments

kim kanye

Dear Kim and Kanye,

Hey, it’s Josh. How are you doing? I’m doing well, thank you. Love the new album, Kanye. Instant classic. I would have written sooner to pass along my congratulations on the baby, but then I read this.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have named their baby daughter North West.

Sources close to the couple confirmed the decision, which comes five days after Kim welcomed her first child at a hospital in Los Angeles. The revelation ends the intense speculation over the child’s name, with other rumoured options said to include Kaidence Donda, in honour of Kanye’s late mother. (Via)

That is the dumbest f*cking thing I’ve ever heard. What is wrong with you two? A name isn’t supposed to be clever — it’s supposed to be kind of boring, not a locale that reminds people of grunge and coffee. If my parents were assholes, they would have named me Captain Kurp, but unlike you guys, they’re decent people and didn’t want to subject their child to a lifetime of one-liners about getting discounts from Northwest Airlines and attending Northwestern University and wondering if their favorite movie is North, North by Northwest, or West Side Story.

But who am I to question The Great Kimye? I’m not even a Captain; I’m just a Josh, some schmuck who’s mailing this letter to 666 Butt St. Hollywood, USA 12345. But I do know one person you two will listen to: Kanye West.

Let’s call out names, names, I hate you more

I’m calling you out for your name, and hate you more for it.

Love, Josh

(Banner via Shutterstock)

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