Charlie’s Angels Remake is a Go

It’s official: ABC is closer to airing the re-remake of “Charlie’s Angels.” The project has been in the works for well over a year, and even though TV remakes have a spectacular rate of failure, ABC has ordered a pilot. As of yet, the only role that’s been cast is Robert Wagner as the voice of Charlie. According to Vulture:

Casting sessions for Angels 3.0 (we’re just going to forget about the pilot for Angles ’88) began last week, with producers looking at both newcomers and more established actresses. Vulture hears one key part may already be filled, however: the voice of Charlie.

We’ve confirmed those Internet rumors that former Hart to Hart star Robert Wagner, who turns 81 next month, is in talks to serve as the Angels’ unseen boss (the late John Forsythe was the original)… Our spies say that Wagner’s casting is related to an old deal the actor had with original Angels producer Aaron Spelling that gave Wagner a stake in the Angels TV franchise. Wagner unsuccessfully sued Sony for a share of the profits from the movie versions of Angels, [and] he might have been able to make trouble for Sony had the studio tried to do a new TV version without his blessing. Paying Wagner to voice Charlie seems like a clever way to avoid any future headaches.

Okay, sure, whatever. But let’s talk about the casting that really matters: the Angels. I wanted to come up with a trio that seemed both ideal and reasonable. I mean, as much as I’d like the Angels to be three A-list movie stars, or three Penthouse Pets who fight crime by having lesbian threesomes, I don’t think it’s gonna happen. So here’s my team of Angels, which is a combination of unfounded guesswork and wishful thinking:

  • Diora Baird. She’s long overdue for a starring role, and this is a franchise that needs a bombshell lead. Baird would fill the role that was played by Farrah Fawcett in the original series, and no one in the movie franchise.
  • Gugu Mbatha-Raw. Diversity hire! Mbatha-Raw is presently on J.J. Abrams’s “Undercovers,” but there’s no chance of that getting renewed, so she would be a good fit as the first black Angel. Of course, given ABC’s racist pandering to white people, perhaps that’s too much to hope for.
  • Michelle Rodriguez. Rodriguez checks another box for diversity while filling the role of badass tough girl. Upside: she’s already worked for an ABC hit (“Lost”) before. Downside: they killed her character off because she was a reckless drunk driving mess on the Hawaii set.

Aside from keeping my expectations realistic, I made my assumptions based on the hope that ABC would lean towards a diverse cast and not waste one-third of the team on a Plain Jane. (*cough* KATE JACKSON! *cough cough*) Feel free to add your choices in the comments, so that we may all scoff at them.