TV

Ranking The ‘Game Of Thrones’ Thrones

Game Of Thrones is about a lot of things. Dragons, deceit, frost zombies, vengeance, family, and Tormund’s arched eyebrow, to name a few. But it all boils down to a quest for an actual throne, and the power that falls to whoever plays the game best and gets to sit upon that chair. For all those benefits, though, is the Iron Throne even the best chair on the show?

The debut of the Dragonstone Throne at the end of the season 7 premiere got us thinking: which Game Of Thrones throne is the best? There are some strong contenders based on each throne’s craftsmanship, utility, view, and intimidation factor. But not comfort. None of these chairs look even remotely comfortable. Here’s our ranking.

Honorable Mention: The Seastone Chair

The Seastone Chair has yet to appear in the show, and though it would likely get high placement were it to make an appearance, the action seems to be moving away from a return to the Iron Islands.

7. Tywin’s “Throne”

The privy, or toilet that Tywin (Charles Dance) was sitting on when he was done in by Tyrion’s (Peter Dinklage) crossbow may be known, colloquially, as a kind of throne, but it doesn’t quite match up to the Iron Throne. Still, a good throne should afford some kind of solitude and Tywin had that as well as a candle and two windows from which to look out and contemplate all the ways he had punished his son for the sin of being born whilst pooping. He just didn’t have the ability to spot a sneaking attacker.

6. Craster’s Chair

Not a high born or royal, but a murderous deserter of the Night’s Watch, Karl Tanner (Burn Gorman) sipped from a cup made out of the skull of his former commanding officer and sat in a chair made of sticks and logs after he killed the inhabitants of Craster’s Keep (and said commanding officer). Craster’s Chair isn’t a regal throne or a seat of comfort, but it gets points for its intimidation factor and for the luxury it offers relative to other seating options at the Keep.

5. Walder Frey’s Dining Room Chair

Walder Frey’s (David Bradley) dining room seat was in the vicinity of two of the show’s deadliest moments (The Red Wedding and Arya’s revenge in the season 7 premiere), but the chair isn’t grand enough to really be considered a throne despite an ultra high back that makes it clear who the alpha in the room is.

4. The Throne In The Meereen Great Pyramid

Dany’s (Emilia Clarke) throne in the Great Pyramid is a simple bench, which is fitting considering her alliance with the unsullied and slaves in her climb to power. The Mother Of Dragons is a woman of the people (mostly) but, because metaphors are rad, there’s a hell of a climb to get up to that seat thanks to a massive and imposing staircase that does the job of making it clear that you’re visiting a true queen when entering the throne room.

3. The Iron Throne

The main prize is a sight to behold sitting in the Red Keep in King’s Landing, but considering the fates of everyone who has warred and schemed to get their ass in that chair and those who have, even briefly, inhabited the Iron Throne during the show’s run, you have to wonder if the throne is cursed and if the cost of attaining it is worth it. Still, the “thousand swords bonded by fiery dragon’s breath” origin story is impressive, as is absolute power, which allows people to rock the kind of look Joffrey has on his stupid face in the image above.

2. Dragonstone

Steel is impressive, but a chair cut from stone feels like it has more permanence, as though it isn’t a construct of man but something that has lasted forever. And if that weren’t enough, the Dragonstone throne’s location in an isolated castle made by Valeryians and surrounded by dragon gargoyles also helps it to stand up next to the Iron Throne. If you’re still not convinced, I’d like to remind you that dragon gargoyles settle all ties.

1. The Eyrie

The sculpted weirwood materials pale in comparison to the iron and stone of the previous entries, but a royal gets bored sitting on their throne of contorted swords staring at a big hall, and the Eyrie has that particular need handled thanks to the moon door. It’s a breathtaking window onto the world far below, a deterrent against bad news from visitors, and an entertainment portal for psychopaths with staff to spare and a black spot where their conscience once existed.

If you get a castle, make it one that’s high in the mountains, virtually uninvadable thanks to the impossible path to its door, and equipped with a moon door right by your throne for endless intimidation. If you can’t be comfortable, at least you can be entertained as the trappings of your station consume your goodness.

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