“I swear to Christ — I will put you under the jail.”
For use when you find your kid’s weed stash.
“Now look buddy, the last thing I want to do is get you in hot water, but some meth monkey had a feeding frenzy in here.”
For use when a friend suspects you of eating the last breakfast burrito.
“I’ve seen better acting in an epileptic whorehouse.”
For use when your significant other asks you to read lines with them for their next play at the rec center.
“Sit down! Sit your ass down! Comprende! Sientate!”