1. “You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try.”
From “Burns Heir,” telling Bart and Lisa the harsh truth about the world.
2. “To Lisa: never forget your daddy loves d’oh!”
From “Lisa’s Sax,” Homer’s inscription on Lisa’s saxophone.
3. “But I was using my whole ass!”
From “Grampa Vs. Sexual Inadequacy,” when Bart calls out his “half-assed over-parenting.”
4. “The key to parenting is don’t overthink it. Because overthinking leads to … what were talking about?”
From “Insane Clown Poppy,” when Krusty asks Homer for advice on being a parent.
5. “Kids are the best; you can teach them to hate the things you hate. And they practically raise themselves, what with the internet and all.”
From “Eight Misbehavin’,” telling Apu how great kids are.
6. (after Marge says raising Bart and Lisa was initially difficult) “Then we figured out we could park them in front of the TV. That’s how I was raised, and I turned out TV.”
From “Behind The Laughter,” explaining how television made raising a family much easier.
7. “And my dream is to get rid of Bart. How many lives must you ruin?!”
From “New Kids On The Blecch,” when Bart wants to leave to tour with his boy band the Party Posse.