TV

Imagined Email Correspondence From The Desk Of The Marketing Director For Carl’s Jr.

The following is a series of leaked emails from Carl’s Jr. Director of Marketing Steven P. Angus to his staff.

10/1/14, 2:30 p.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Commercials

Great work on the new commercials, gang! Really feel like we’re starting to gain some traction in the fast food burger market. Look out, Wendy’s! We’re coming for you!

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/1/14, 3:45 p.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Commercials

Hey, so I had an idea for our next commercial: We open on a hot tub with David Hasselhoff in it, then we zoom out to see that he’s in there with some of his old Baywatch co-stars (Anderson, Electra, etc.) They’re all going TO WORK on some bacon burgers. Real sloppy. Real sloppy. BBQ sauce clogging the filter and everything.

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/1/14, 4:40 p.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Commercials

Re: This Baywatch idea. One of the girls could go to town on the burger — just attacking it with carnal passion — and choke on some bacon. The others could CPR it out of her. Just spitballing.

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/1/14, 5:30 p.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Commercials

Bout to head out. If you have any input about this Baywatch-themed commercial, have it on my desk by 9:00 a.m. tomorrow.

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/1/14, 8:22 p.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Commercials

Just had a few drinks at dinner and remembered some more Baywatch girls. Traci Bingham, Yasmine Bleeth, Donna D’Errico. Who was the one with the short hair? No implants. It’ll come to me. Anyway, let’s get them all on camera with some sexy hunks of meat…

… and maybe some actors too lol

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/1/14, 8:34 p.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Commercials

Alexanfra Paul. That was the other one.

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/1/14, 8:35 p.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Commercials

*Alexandra #drunj

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/1/14, 10:58 p.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Commercials

You guys ever think the burgers are the hotest parts of thecommercials? Like when the juices strt dripping you don’t even notice the actresses anymore. Maybe we should put the burger in the bikiki j/k j/k j/k

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/1/14, 11:57 p.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Commercials

okay fellas only…

you ever, you know, think about doing … ya know, it, wit a burger? not like real sex just like maybe sliding it n once 2 see how it feels? don’t lie. you did. DON’T LIE.

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/2/14, 12:02 a.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Commercials

changed my mnd, input from the ladies welvome too. haha, *input*

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/2/14, 1:37 a.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Commercials

is a cheeseburgr a boy or girl? looked up spanish and it says “la hamborguesa” so that’s feminine and means girl right? so like it wouldn’t be gay if a guy tried it?

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/2/14, 1:38 a.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Commercials

not that theres n-e-thing wrong with being gay lol its 2013 right?

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/2/14, 2:12 a.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Commercials

screw it gonna try it WISH ME LICK

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/2/14, 2:13 a.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Commercials

lol i mean wish me “luck.” frueudian slip i guess

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/2/14, 3:10 a.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: BURNED MY DICK WHAT DO I DO

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/2/14, 3:12 a.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Re: BURNED MY DICK WHAT DO I DO

whoops had the cursor in the subject line instead of the search bar. plz disgregard

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/2/14 3:13 a.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Re: BURNED MY DICK WHAT DO I DO

although i guess if you have tips 4 dealing with burns you can help too. phil youre wife if a nurse right? it really looks bad. i shoudnt have used a melted cheddar sauce. its everywhere n its congealing. phil ask your wife what do to.

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/2/14, 3:30 a.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: FWD: Re: BURNED MY DICK WHAT DO I DO

resending to make sure phil saw my last message

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

FWD:

although i guess if you have tips 4 dealing with burns you can help too. phil youre wife if a nurse right? it really looks bad. i shoudnt have used a melted cheddar sauce. its everywhere n its congealing. phil ask your wife what do to.

10/2/14 4:10 a.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: FWD: Re: BURNED MY DICK WHAT DO I DO

one more bump for phil. you up?

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

FWD:

resending to make sure phil saw my last message

FWD:

although i guess if you have tips 4 dealing with burns you can help too. phil youre wife if a nurse right? it really looks bad. i shoudnt have used a melted cheddar sauce. its everywhere n its congealing. phil ask your wife what do to.

10/2/14 4:17 a.m.

FROM: Steven P. Angus
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Re: BURNED MY DICK WHAT DO I DO

i shouldnt hve stuck my dick in that cheseburger

Steven P. Angus
Director of Marketing, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10/2/14, 9:51 a.m.

FROM: Carl Hamburger, Jr., CEO
TO: Staff
SUBJECT: Announcement

It is with great sadness that Carl’s Jr. has accepted the resignation of Director of Marketing Steven P. Angus. Steven’s passion and vision helped make the Carl’s Jr. brand what it is today, but the time has come for us to part ways. We wish Steven the best in all his future endeavors. Please contact the Human Resources Department if you have any questions or concerns.

Carl Hamburger, Jr.
CEO and President, Carl’s Jr./Hardees

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