Bit of casting news out of Hollywood: Kiefer Sutherland will play the president in a new ABC series titled Designated Survivor. And in an interesting twist, there was actually another series titled Designated Survivor in production at Fox, but because this one was picked up first, that one will probably have to change its titl… Wait a second. What’s that sound? It’s sounds like…
[A man dressed in black crashes through my window]
ME: Hey! What’s going on here?!
JACK BAUER: Listen to me! There isn’t any time!
ME: Whoa, Jack Baue-
[Jack Bauer shoots me in the arm]
ME: Ow! Why did you-
JACK BAUER: I said listen to me! Tell me about this show!
ME: I was just doing th-
[Jack Bauer sticks his finger in my bullet wound]
JACK BAUER: Just blockquote it! Hurry!
ME: Okay, okay!
In Designated Survivor, a lower level United States Cabinet member (Sutherland) is suddenly appointed President after a catastrophic attack during the State of the Union kills everyone above him in the Presidential line of succession. This is a family drama wrapped around a conspiracy thriller about an ordinary man in an extraordinary situation.
JACK BAUER: Why didn’t they stop the attack first?!
ME: I don’t know!
JACK BAUER: Who’s the mole?!
ME: I don’t know! They haven’t even started filming it y-
[Jack Bauer shoots me in the other arm]
ME: Oh God! I’m telling you everything I know!
JACK BAUER: Why wasn’t I informed?!
ME: Wait. What?
JACK BAUER: Why didn’t anyone call me?!
ME: But how would that even work? Kiefer Sutherland is playing a different character in this one.
JACK BAUER: Who is Kiefer Sutherland?! Is he the mole?!
ME: Uh, he’s you.
JACK BAUER: I’m Jack Bauer, dammit!
ME: Uh, what?
[Jack Bauer shoots me in the foot]
ME: Jesus! Okay, yes, Kiefer Sutherland is the mole! Just please stop shooting me!
JACK BAUER: I knew it!
[Jack Bauer leaves by crashing through a different window after calling Chloe to demand all the info she can find on “Kiefer Sutherland”]