One of the charms of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia is the complete lack of self-awareness exhibited by a group of characters that inexplicably trt to navigate their lives under the assumption that they know what the hell they’re doing. Mac, as played by show creator Rob McElhenney, is a killer bod having karate expert and badass in his own mind, and always willing to offer up unsolicited life advice which often proves worthless. Here now is a look at some of that suspect advice.
“Smoke some cigarettes. The smoke will suffocate the bacteria in your stomach.” -Mac
There have been a lot of studies into the effects of smoking and none of them returned any data suggesting that smoking can serve as some kind of emergency belly bacteria buster. What’s worse than Mac throwing out this ineffective and unhealthy advice, though, is knowing that big smokey won him back after he so strongly resisted smoking as a pissed off youth. Think. Don’t smoke, Mac.
“Grain alcohol, baby. Whenever there’s a potential riot, I’m getting blasted on grain alcohol.”
Who would want to feel no pain and retain nothing while sitting through a fine display of America’s pastime? Unfortunately, that’s exactly what Mac and the gang wanted to do in “The World Series Defense” when they planned to get obliterated while tailgating game 5 of the 2008 World Series. Thankfully, those plans didn’t work out and they wasted their “Riot Punch” on the inside of a linen closet where they were trapped for almost a week while all the fun and mayhem was going on. Wasted indeed.
“Charlie, make a move. Just tell her you wanna bang her.”
Or maybe try some subtlety? Maybe try to have a conversation? Maybe try to be a gentleman, bro?
“Chicks want guys that wear tight pants and tattered clothing and spit blood.”
Some of this is true. The tight pants part certainly seems accurate, which is why I rock a size 44 jean when I’m clearly meant to have my bottom half crammed into a 46. The spit blood thing, though? I’m calling bullsh*t on that. Your typical Fifty Shader doesn’t have the stomach to take the debauched express all the way to the last stop in Kinktown. Few do. Dennis… I imagine Dennis has ridden that train.
“Maybe if you lowered your standards a bit, you’d get laid more.”
I mean, having high standards can make it difficult to find a match, but one shouldn’t widdle down their criteria for a partner in pursuit of nothing more than a hollow physical connection. And I think Mac should know that. And I think he should give himself a hug and say that love is worth waiting for.
“Sitting in judgment of other people is the greatest way to make yourself feel better.”
I mean, maybe for a brief moment… but not in the long run. And no one is interested in a swift and dose of fading superficial superiority and the soul smiles that it brings, right? I’m glad that we are on the same wavelength with this.
“Do not plug an open wound with trash.”
This feels pretty obvious, but I suppose to someone who is unaware of the dangers of trash in open wounds, this would count as actual and indisputable good advice. So I guess Mac’s tutelage isn’t fully worthless in all instances. Not fully…