‘Orange Is The New Black’ Discussion: Morello Goes All ‘Swimfan’ On Everybody’s Asses

News & Culture Writer
06.15.14 32 Comments


Note: Orange is the New Black discussion posts are intended to give a full season perspective, and may contain minor spoilers.

Previously: Orange is the New Black: Season Two, Episode Three

FINALLY! Was anyone else so excited to finally get a glimpse of Morello’s story? Sure, back when I ranked the Litchfield inmates as to who I’d want to have my back in prison, I dismissed Morello — but it doesn’t mean that I was in any less anticipation to know what was going on with this “Christopher” business. And hoooooo boy did this episode deliver.

Not only was Morello running a probably very poorly conceived retail scam, but — HOLY SH*T! — we finally meet Christopher and not only was he not Morello’s fiancee, not ever, but he was just some poor dude who she had been insanely stalking. I don’t know if I should be impressed or horrified. Either way, I’m just relieved that no bunnies were harmed in the subsequent break in and weird bath starring Christopher’s actual fiancee’s wedding veil. Did this possibly give Morello the closure she needed? And more importantly, do the Litchfield guards ever check the prison van gas meter?

The episode, aptly titled “A Whole Other Hole,” also featured a hilarious subplot involving some of the black inmates not knowing there was a hole other than the vagina that’s exclusively for pee until they were schooled by resident transgender, Sophia. In other news, Piper gets a new roomie (which to her relief was not Soso) as well as most of her pilfered stuff back, and Nicky and Boo continue their pissing — I mean f*cking — contest.

Random Thoughts:

  • Morello tells Fischer that she’s taking a break from wedding planning: “I got a big family — big, number-wise. Not … Big, fat. Although, there are some fatties.” Oh Morello.
  • Morello chose to stalk Christopher based solely on the fact that he was wearing the same sweater as whatever model or actor she had clipped out on her creepy collage wall. C’mon, Morello, have standards.
  • Christopher and his fiancee seemed a little off-kilter anyway. The teddy bear and decorative pillows? Who even owns stuff like that? Those people suck anyway.
  • I hate to break it to Poussey, but pee funnels for women are already a thing. I’ve never used one personally, but I hear they’re particularly good for camping.
  • After she ickily tried to exploit Poussey and then excluded her, I like Vee less and less with every new episode
  • “Inspector Gadget was not a good detective. He just had a lot of stuff. Plus he had Penny and the Brain helping him.” Piper is right: Inspector Gadget sucked.
  • If you’re a teenage kid with cancer going for a two hour chemo treatment, you better make sure that sh*t is charged, son. But how great was seeing Miss Rosa open up to regale a young kid with her tales of bank robbing?
  • Larry pretending to be married to Polly? Yuck. Jason Biggs character is starting to rival his real life personality in douchiness.
  • What was it that Red found under the floorboards in the greenhouse? Does “A Whole Other Hole” have a double meaning??? DUN DUN DUN.

There weren’t a ton of gifs for this episode, but I’ll leave you with this. I laughed out loud when Boo called Piper a horrible person. Looks like Soso is Nicky’s problem, now.

piper-pimp-1   piper-pimp-2

piper-pimp-3   piper-pimp-4

(Gif via)

Around The Web