‘I Understand Nothing’: Michael Scott’s Most Lovably Idiotic Lines From ‘The Office’

For seven classic seasons of The Office, Steve Carell delighted and horrified viewers as Michael Scott, the idiot savant boss of the fictional paper company, Dunder-Mifflin. While he usually meant well, Michael Scott almost always said and did the wrong thing. Fans cheered him on anyway. Here are a few of his best lines:

1. “The worst thing about prison was the… was the Dementors.”

2. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”

3. “Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”

4. “You know what they say. ‘Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice… strike three.”

5. “Then suddenly she’s not your ho no mo.”

6. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”

7. ” You don’t know me. You’ve just seen my penis.”

8. “I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.”

9. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”

10. “It’s a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time, and she rocks harder than anyone alive.”

11. “You may look around you and see two different groups of people. White collar… blue collar. But I don’t see it that way. You know why not? Because I am ‘collar blind.'”

12. “I understand nothing!”

13. “I am Beyoncé, always.”

14. “Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.”

15. “It’s a good thing Russia doesn’t exist anymore.”

16. “I am the early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.”

17. “In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are trying to murder you in a lake.”

18. “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”

19. “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.”

20. “That’s what she said.”