The Rundown: Steph Curry’s ‘Holey Moley’ Is Profoundly Weird (And Kind Of Fun)

06.28.19 3 weeks ago


The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items will vary, as will the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE — Welcome to summer, everything is strange

It’s difficult to explain exactly what Holey Moley is, which is a problem because it’s what I need to do to make my point. I’ll try. Holey Moley is a new ABC summer game show. It’s a mini-golf competition that is presented by and occasionally features two-time NBA MVP Stephen Curry, and is hosted by Rob Riggle and Monday Night Football announcer Joe Tessitore. It is also an extreme physical challenge competition along the lines of Wipeout. There is putting, yes, of course, but there’s also, well, this…


And this.


If you’re looking at those two GIFs and thinking “Wow, it sure looks like that woman got wrecked by the same windmill twice while trying to run through it on a network television golf show hosted by Steph Curry,” I am sad to report that you are incorrect. This woman got wrecked by two separate windmills while trying to run through them on a network television golf show hosted by Steph Curry. That’s a little incredible. My favorite is the second. It doesn’t even look like the windmill got her. She was just so freaked out by the first time that she ran straight into the support. It gets worse, too, because there’s an insult added to these injuries. She was assessed a penalty stroke for each crash, which resulted in her losing and getting eliminated by a DJ in a unicorn onesie. That’s a rough day.

Other things of note about Holey Moley:

– The holes are all very extreme. There are ramps and ziplines and trap doors, there are polar bears and large pools of chlorinated water and, on one occasion so far, world-famous saxophone aficionado Kenny G, who appeared out of thin air to distract contestants who were trying to putt.

– There is also a golf robot. The golf robot is set up 55 yards away from one of the holes, with a large body of water between, and contestants have to choose between having the robot knock the ball up there or having Steph Curry do it. At this point, it is worth mentioning that Steph Curry is a very good golfer. Too good, some would say, including me, a very petty person who gets unreasonably upset when people who are already good at one thing are also good at golf. I almost flipped a table over when I found out Justin Timberlake shoots in the 70s. It’s fine. I’m fine.

– Sometimes contestants show up in costume, or at least weird clothes. A dude in the first episode wore a lumberjack outfit for no clear reason. One guy just started eating a banana. The whole thing is so weird that I still can’t fully decide if it’s partially scripted or if people are so used to the idea of wacky extreme network game shows that they’re coming in as fully formed characters.

It’s all very dumb and surprisingly fun. For the most part. There’s a debt owed here to a range of Japanese game shows that became cult hits in America years later, like Takeshi’s Castle. This is more self-aware and maybe a little too cute in places, and I do recommend watching with your finger on the fast-forward button if you give it a shot. You’re very busy. This can drag a little. It’s about time management. You can always back it up if someone is suddenly paddling in the water or jumping up and down.

Short version: I would like to sit here and tell you I’m above all of this but that would be a lie. I made those GIFs for this column, sure. But I would have made them to send to my friends anyway, even if it wasn’t my job. It’s summer, after all. We deserve some cheap thrills.

ITEM NUMBER TWO — What the heck is any of this?

Bryan Cranston logged into his Twitter account this week and posted this picture. Had that been the end of this story, it would have been perplexing and a little hilarious. It was not the end of the story, though, because his former Breaking Bad co-star logged into his Twitter account at the same time and posted this.

As far as I can tell, there are two possibilities here. Number one, this is some sort of tease for the upcoming Breaking Bad movie. This is the more likely option. The movie is coming soon-ish, especially in the grand cosmic sense of time, and this is exactly the kind of cryptic teaser that a couple of rascals like Cranston and Paul would use to get people talking. If this is the case, it clearly worked. This paragraph is proof enough of that. So, that’s one option.

The only other possibility, as far as I can tell, is that Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul are preparing to hike down into the Grand Canyon, together, as friends, for their summer vacation, and they’re both so excited about it that they went online at the exact same time and posted a picture of the noble steeds that will be assisting them in their journey. This one is admittedly a long shot but, man, would it ever be funny. People would be so confused and mad. I would laugh for hours.

Being a celebrity has to be wild. You can just toss out a strange tweet or cryptic picture and people will go nuts about it. What does it mean? What are they trying to say? It’s an odd power to have and one that is probably tempting to abuse at times. Like, imagine if, two months before Endgame premiered, Chris Evans had posted a picture of his Captain America shield in a dumpster. No words to accompany it, no context. Just the shield in a dumpster, maybe covered in mustard. The content this would have generated… my god. Theories, speculation, theories about the speculation. I would’ve hated it until I realized it was really nonsense trolling and then I would have loved it.

Please consider doing this, celebrities, even if it’s only for me. Use your power for chaos.

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