The Hilarious Video Intros For The Sharks On ‘Shark Tank,’ Ranked

10.26.15 9 Comments

If there are two things everyone in America can agree on, even in these divisive times, they’re these: 1) Shark Tank is a great show, and 2) the video package used at the beginning of each episode to introduce the sharks is funnier than most network comedies. I know these are high-powered business types we’re dealing with here, and that they were busy making millions instead of taking theater classes, but man. It’s like the director set up each shot and then shouted “Act natural!” through a bullhorn at a startling volume before rolling tape. What I’m saying is that it’s perfect and I love it.

And so, here’s what I did: I took the little separate video packages for each shark and ranked them from least to most hilarious. Important work we’re doing here.

6) Daymond John

Actions depicted:

  • Looking at sneakers
  • Looking at suits
  • Holding meetings about sneakers and suits

Daymond has the most reasonable of all the shark intros, because so little of it looks staged. Like, yeah, I could see him having business meetings about sneakers and suits. That’s his job. And even the meetings look legit-ish. It’s all very disappointing, especially compared to the others. They couldn’t have shown him, like, flying a helicopter or drinking scotch and riding around New York in a stretch limo like a supervillain or something? Not even for a little? That’s it. Reshoot the whole thing. This one simply will not do.

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