This is a midseason power ranking of the characters we’ve met through the first four episodes of the FX/Hulu series Shōgun . I have admittedly not read the source material and I am learning things about it all in real-time, like many of you, so these are all based on vibes more than anything else. That said, I stand by them completely.
UNRANKED: Nagakado the failson (I still don’t understand all the ins and outs of the politics at play here but I sure as hell recognize a naive dipshit with a daddy complex when I see one); Omi the failnephew (I almost respect this dope’s commitment to screwing everything up); baby earthquakes (the ground should not move); getting boiled alive (no thanks); corrupt priests and lords (you can’t swing a sword on this show without hitting one); Yaechiyo the child heir (I love my sweet little powerful boy); Buntaro (I hated him very much for being mean to Mariko and I am furious he got to die a hero; sailing a ship through a storm (I’ve had just about enough of waves); Taiko the previous shogun (really his fault for causing all of this by dying); swords, generally (just massively cooler than guns)
10. Ishido
Part of me wants to watch a version of this show that’s exactly the same but told from his perspective. Like, we see him as some shady overlord who is trying to amass power by creating allegiances with various corrupt figures who have their own nefarious motives, but that’s because most of our information about it all is coming from Toranaga and John’s side of the relationship. I bet Ishido sees himself as the only reasonable person in all of it, though. He probably thinks he’s doing something good.
Put it this way: I still do not like him very much but I have been having a lot of fun picturing him trying to explain all the shenanigans and chicanery Toranaga has been up to in the various attempts to thwart the leadership group. Imagine you and your coworkers are trying to push out some loose cannon you suspect of trying to secretly build enough strength to overthrow all of you and then right when you think you have him nailed he slips off to the beach without telling anyone and ties you up with the fine print in the company charter.
You would absolutely throw everything off your desk.
9. Hiromatsu
Things I like about this guy:
- He is Toranaga’s general and main advisor, which seems like a fun if stressful job
- He seems like a real sneaky little rascal and he has this fun smirk he does when he’s up to something
- Really just a tremendous mustache
Should probably have him much higher.
8. Haircuts with a bald spot on top
Tons of people on this show are rocking this look. The Catholic clergy and translators, the Japanese warriors, bald heads everywhere, on purpose, for style and fashion.
Why did these go out of style? We actually went the opposite way in the last 500 years, with a lot of male haircuts now featuring shaved/buzzed sides and long and/or spiky hair on top. I vote we bring this back, the thing where cool/powerful people have no hair on top of their heads. It looks great. We should try it. Like, all of us, as a society, starting with the world’s most handsome and charming A-list stars. My stance on this matter has absolutely nothing to do with my own receding hairline. How dare any of you assume otherwise.
7. Rodrigues
I love this profane sailor so much. I get kind of annoyed whenever he’s not featured in an episode. The scene where he and John were steering their ships through rocks and hurling profane insults at each other as a sign of grudging respect was maybe my favorite part of the whole show. Just two dudes, enemies on paper, calling each other the filthiest names they can think of while engaged in a deadly watch of naval wits. I would watch a show — even just a two-hour extended episode — where it’s just the two of them sailing back to Europe together, shouting at each other and making threats of bodily harm to various family members as they battle the sea and stop at various ports in Asia and South America and Europe. I need you to know I am serious about this.
Also, and there’s a good chance this is just a product of me still mourning the loss of Our Flag Means Death, but at one point I kind of wanted them to kiss a little. There’s really a void right now when it comes to shows about brutal and profane pirates who are also gay. Something to consider.
6. Yabushige
ON ONE HAND: Kind of a weasel. Only out for himself. Playing both sides against each other in any way he can to keep himself from getting executed. Feels like the kind of guy who would happily murder a village of innocent people if it kept him in the good graces of the powerful. Boiled a guy alive for fun.
ON THE OTHER HAND: I… don’t know. I really like him. I probably shouldn’t? I am conflicted about all of this but definitely not as conflicted as I should be. If he is ever discovered and killed I will be very sad. Again, I don’t know.
5. Firing cannons at stuff in a field
Honestly, it looks like a good time. You and the homies outside on a nice spring day just blasting cannons at stuff on the other side of a big field. I bet it’s relaxing, like how people do ax-throwing to blow off steam now. Bring back medieval warfare tactics but make it therapy. This is a good idea. You can take it and use it. The only condition is that I get to come shoot the cannons at stuff for free.
4. Fuji
Usami Fuji:
- Lost her husband and infant to execution because the husband popped off when he shouldn’t
- Is now in a kind of forced servitude situation with John at the behest of Toranaga
- Pulled one of John’s guns on the dipshit nephew and later traded a sword for a gun with him in maybe the sweetest exchange of weaponry ever committed to film
Fuji is cool. I need to see her thrive before this is over.
3. John Blackthorne
The man hates Catholics and Portugal and bathing but he does love cannons and drawing maps and swearing. He’s now involved in two different wars in a country he doesn’t understand and the only person he trusts to translate for him is a mysterious lady whose exact allegiances are still a bit murky. Also, he loves her. Also, she loves him. Which complicates my desire to see him kiss Rodrigues. This is much more of a Me Problem than it is a problem for the show.
As I mentioned above, I have never read the book this is all based on and I refuse to get ahead of myself by researching how it all plays out, but I’m very interested in seeing how this all shakes down for John. The good news is that he and Toranaga seem to have a strange little friendship brewing, as evidenced by their “we’re not so different” glance during the diving/swimming lesson on the boat the other week. The bad news is that the show took away his massive ding-dong.
Win some, lose some, I guess.
2. Toranaga
Toranaga:
- Is always about 6-8 steps ahead of whoever has engaged him in a battle of wits, which is a fun trait in any character
- Gets this little twinkle in his eye when he has a good idea, which is a good trait in any person, real or fictional
- Has a bozo son who is hellbent on mucking everything up
There’s more to him than this but it’s hard to sketch a character more up my alley than those three bullet points.
1. Mariko
Mariko is strong and mysterious and maybe up to something and she slashed a bunch of goons with a sword and when you combine all of those things together I really do not see how any of you could have possibly expected me to put any other character from this show in the top spot so far.
