Hey, Look, The Spice Girls

As I’m sure you all know, the Closing Ceremony of the 2012 Olympics was last night. Josh already touched on NBC’s infuriating decision to bump The Who’s performance back so they could show the premiere of Animal Practice (aka OMIGOD YOU GUYS, A MONKEY: The TV Show) over on the mothership, but I’d like to talk for a second about the Ceremony’s other big event: the Spice Girls reuniting. Their performance isn’t embeddable because NBC is a bunch of stupid idiots with butts for brains, but you can watch it here. Three things jumped out at me when I was watching it live: 1) It was actually pretty good; 2) Riding around a packed stadium on top of a taxi looks like a blast, and; 3) The Spice Girls look exactly the same as they did in 1998. Like, to the point it was almost creepy.

I will now rank the Spice Girls from best to worst:

  1. Ginger Spice – Geri Halliwell always struck me as a fun lady.
  2. Posh Spice – Victoria Beckham seems like the kind of person who has thrown a vase or two in her day, and I honestly think if she tried to smile her lips would split open because they’re not used to bending that way. Related: I love her.
  3. Scary Spice – There is one black member of the Spice Girls, and they named her “Scary.” This is very racist, yes?
  4. Baby Spice  – “So I’m thinking we’ll have one of them be a baby, but, like, a sexy baby, you know?” – A real person, apparently. Ew.
  5. Sporty Spice – If there’s one thing we can all be sure of, it’s that she definitely does not regret getting that tribal armband tattoo. Nope. Not at all. Also, Pink pretty much lifted her entire “sneering lady who wears windpants and kicks people and stuff” shtick, and I think she should consider suing her.

I’m glad we settled that. Here is a GIF of Victoria Beckham refusing to dance.

GIF via