A History Of Sterling Archer’s Mishaps With Totally Awesome Modes Of Transportation

Through five-and-a-half seasons of FX’s hit animated series Archer, we’ve learned so much about the world’s greatest gentleman superspy and his colleagues. For starters, they almost all love to abuse the ever-loving hell out of any substances, and unless they’re in the most serious of situations, they really f*cking hate each other. That’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the personalities and bad habits of our last line of defense against the world’s worst spies, villains and cyborgs. On tonight’s episode, “Nellis,” we’re reminded of another problem that Sterling Archer constantly faces – he has no luck in traveling.

Sterling and the agents from the organization, formerly known as you know, have used a wide variety of transportation over the years, and in just about every situation, from automobile to space station, they’ve been totally screwed. In “Nellis,” a simple rescue mission gets pretty out of control, but this time, it’s because Sterling has some issues with very basic forms of transportation. He’s not allowed to fly, and he’s not allowed to take the train, and while it’s probably because he’s an uncontrollable lush, it might also have to do with these classic Archer travel mishaps…

“Skorpio” – Season 1, Episode 6

The Vehicle: A luxury yacht, owned by dangerous arms dealer Spiridon Skorpio.

The Assignment: Kill Skorpio, to which Sterling very wonderfully replied, “What, is diabetes busy?” Unfortunately, the assignment belonged to Lana, who chose to seduce the wealthy-but-disgusting man, and things got out of hand, naturally, when Sterling arrived to “rescue” her.

The Result: A poop-covered threeway with Skorpio and a luxury yacht that was blown to smithereens.

“Skytanic” – Season 1, Episode 7

The Vehicle: A luxury rigid airship.

The Assignment: Complete with high-end shopping, delicious French cuisine and a casino, the Excelsior was supposed to be the sky’s answer to the Titanic. You know, except for the whole sinking and Rose letting Jack drown part. Sterling and Co. were responsible for ensuring its security, especially from any bombs that would blow it out of the sky.