The Legal System Is Just And Fair: Miss USA Contestant Ordered To Pay Donald Trump $5 Million

12.18.12 17 Comments

So, here’s what happened. Back in June, former Miss Pennsylvania Sheena Monnin quit the Miss USA pageant after claiming another contestant had seen a list with the winners before they were officially announced. She went on to say that the contest was “fraudulent, lacking in morals, inconsistent and in many ways trashy.” In response to these claims, giant flaxen-haired turdweasel Donald Trump sued her for defamation on behalf of the Miss Universe Organization. Basing his ruling mainly on the part of her comments about the show being “rigged” or “fraudulent,” a New York judge ruled in Trump’s favor last week and ordered Monnin to pay the bloviating goon and his organization $5 million in damages.

As you can imagine, Trump responded with his typical generosity and subtle grace:

“Going to arbitration was the appropriate action to take under the circumstances, and while I feel very badly for Sheena, she did the wrong thing. She was really nasty, and we had no choice. It is an expensive lesson for her.” [NY Post]

Now, technically, and it pains me deeply to have to say this, Donald Trump is correct here. The Miss USA and Miss Universe pageants are multi-million dollar operations, and a former contestant going on television and claiming without sufficient evidence that they’re rigged could result in serious negative financial consequences for the brand. It’s the same reason I can’t publish a post titled “EXCLUSIVE REPORT: TACO BELL USES HORSE MEAT” based solely on my observation that it seems like there are a lot more Taco Bells and a lot fewer horses these days. You need actual, hard proof if you want to screw with people’s money. (Think about that horse thing, though. Seems weird, right?)

That’s the “expensive lesson” Trump is talking about here, and it’s one I am happy to give you for free. You can call him just about anything you please. Hell, I just called him a “giant flaxen-haired turdweasel” and a ‘bloviating goon” a few paragraphs ago, and that’s only because I write for a website where I’m not allowed to use filthy, vile cuss words without censoring them with little dashes or stars. Donald Trump is everything that’s wrong about this country wrapped up in a suit that costs more than your car, and the world would immediately become a better place if we put him and Nancy Grace on a tiny two-person raft and pushed them out to sea. But if you want to say his pageants are fixed, or — oh, I don’t know — that Trump Tower is made entirely out of bat dung and gold paint and it will collapse within the week, make sure you have verification first. Otherwise you may have to cut that turdweasel a check.

Photo credit: Paul Hakimata Photography /

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