TV

The Rookie’s A To Z Guide For The Sixth Season Of FXX’s ‘The League’

If you haven’t been using the commercial breaks in FXX’s The Simpsons marathon for going to the bathroom and/or sleeping, you’ve probably noticed that The League is back next week. The debut of Season 6 of our favorite comedy that uses fantasy football to bring a beloved batch of dysfunctional human beings together on our TVs airs on Wednesday, Sept. 3 at 10 PM ET, and it’s safe to expect even more insane, depraved, disgusting, and downright filthy hijinks from Jenny, Kevin, Pete, Ruxin, Taco, Andre, and hopefully Rafi, more than we’ve ever seen him before. As always, they’ll have plenty of NFL players and other personalities along for the ride as well, with J.J. Watt making his return to the show in the new promos for “Sitting Shiva.”

Interestingly enough, according to my crack team of researchers and fact checkers, The League is somehow not yet the most-watched and highest-rated sitcom on TV, despite the fact that it’s just awesome. For example, when I spoke with Yahoo’s fantasy football guru Brad Evans last week, he informed me that he doesn’t watch it, and he’s a man blessed by the gods with a career that allows him to play fantasy football for a living. He did, however, admit that his friends tell him he looks a lot like Andre (Paul Scheer), but there’s still a concern with the fact that people who should be watching simply aren’t, and I think I know what the problem is – authenticity.

It’s wonderful that a show based on a premise as tricky as fantasy football has lasted six seasons, but the fact that these guys are still playing in an 8-team league is troublesome. When you take into account the fact that Taco is terrible at drafting and traded away the No. 1 overall pick for the rights to name his nephew, this is really a 7-team league, but as the doctor pointed out in “Training Camp” last season, an 8-team league is bullsh*t. Even Evans agreed, despite not watching the show, as he’s a 14-team league guy, while I’m a classical 12-team loyalist. Bottom line – the writers of The League really need to address this issue at some point, because it’s getting impossible to believe that anyone aside from Taco has a bad team, since it would mean that at least one owner would have a steamroller. But enough with fantasy football nitpickery.

As more and more people discover how awesome and ridiculous of a show The League is, it’s important for them to start catching up while they hit the ground running. So as they’re watching Seasons 1-4 on Netflix (would it kill them to get Season 5 online already?), here’s a handy glossary of terms that any League fan should keep handy, be it for everyday use or naming their own fantasy football teams. Feel free to add to the terms in the comments.

Anchor Baby – When a man’s disproportionately attractive wife starts doing things a little differently – like her pubic landscaping, for example – and indicates that she might be developing an exit strategy, the best way for that man to keep her around is by getting her pregnant so she’ll be “out of commission” and reconsider the economics of leaving him.

Breast Favoritism – When a man only focuses on one of a woman’s breasts and then moves on without addressing the ignored breast. The act can result in the woman role playing that she is a nun.

The Bobbum Man – He’s an imaginary villain dreamed up by Kevin, who is terrified that the Bobbum Man will pull up in his van and try to have sex with Kevin’s bobbum.

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