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UPROXX 20: Kyle Kinane’s DVR May Be F*cking His Mind All To Pieces

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Kyle Kinane is a comedian probably best known for his Comedy Central standup specials and for being the voice of Comedy Central’s on-air promotions. A limited edition double vinyl of Kinane’s second album, I Liked His Old Stuff Better, is being released for Record Store Day 2015 on April 18. Filmed at the 40 Watt Club in Athens, Ga., it’s his second album for Comedy Central.

Kyle Kinane was nice enough to take a few minutes out of his busy schedule recently to answer a few questions from us.

1. You walk into a bar. What do you order from the bartender?

I ask for the cheapest beer usually. Not because I can’t afford something nicer, or I’m trying to uphold some blue collar aesthetic. I can’t drink craft beer. IPAs taste like couch cushions and “stout” is a body type, not a flavor. A bartender recently said a particular beer on tap had a real “drinkability” to it. Yeah, of course. It’s a f*cking drink. It should have drinkability. Give me a Budweiser.

2. Who’s your favorite person to follow on Twitter?

Sheboygan Scanner is probably what entertains me the most. It’s mostly real police and fire department calls, but once in a while, you get a “male drunk at Kohl’s, flipping off security” or “loose cows on road.” I’m from the Midwest. It feels like home to me.

3. What’s currently waiting for you on your DVR/TiVO?

Too much. I DVR plenty and then feel that since it’s on there and not going anywhere, I may as well watch Ace Ventura 2 since it’s on right now. As soon as I place importance on a show with a DVR slot, I immediately lose interest in it. Probably a psychological condition or something. I have a lot of Guns N’ Roses/Slash concerts on there.

4. It’s your last meal — what are you going out with?

Portillos jumbo chili dog with cheese and onions, one regular dog with everything. Or whatever you’re having. I’m polite that way.

5. What websites do you visit on a regular basis?

LAist for my local what-have-you. I try to ignore the internet as much as possible. I’m tethered to Twitter because of comedy and promoting shows. Instagram is a jerk-off party for people trying to showcase what an exciting life their having (if it’s truly a fulfilling life, you don’t need to prove it to anyone). Facebook is nothing but moms and impotent political arguments. Does Google Maps count? I’m on Google Maps a lot trying to find the next gig.

6. What’s the most frequently played song on your mobile device?

“Simple Pleasures in America” by The Arrivals comes up quite a bit.

7. The first face that comes to mind when you think “punchable?”

I punch electronics a lot. I punched this laptop I’m working on the other day. I bit a phone once because I knew I couldn’t throw it out my car window. But a face? I routinely think about all the chickenshits in comment sections online. Just garbage humans who have no voice in the physical world but spout off hate and negativity where they know they won’t face consequences.

8. What’s the last thing you Googled?

Probably directions from Tucson to Phoenix. Or the phone number for the pizza place I called last night. Tomato Pie in Silverlake. Good stuff.

9. Dogs or cats?

I’m down with the critters. I like it when they get along. Any dog that doesn’t eat babies and any cat that doesn’t piss in your shoes out of blatant disrespect.

10. Best concert of your life was…?

Even after the years of $5 all ages shows in Chicago, the best live show I’ve ever seen was the Beastie Boys at Lollapalooza in 1994. Smoking Popes at the Metro in Chicago every month or so was a great way to spend a youth.

11. What book are you most likely to give as a gift?

Things I Like About America by Poe Ballantine. For a good read. Or Crazy from the Heat by David Lee Roth. Because, come on. He’s one of the things I like about America.

12. What’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?

My folks never went against my highly-illogical wishes to tell jokes for a living or pressured me to do something else. I’m thankful for that.

13. South Park or Family Guy?

Simpsons.

14. You have an entire day to do whatever you want. What would you do?

Mountain bike. I’m going to go do that as soon as I’m done with these questions.

15. What movie can you not resist watching if it’s on?

For a while there, Rock of Ages was on every day, and I watched it every day.

16. The sports team or teams you’re most passionate about?

Team Haro 1989 was pretty amazing. They had a 16-year-old Mat Hoffman, who won the title for amateur vert, turned pro at the same contest, and then won the pro category, as well. I’d say that’s impressive. But I guess people play football, too.

17. Where did you eat the best meal of your life?

I’ve had some drunk burritos I’d be happy to die face first into. I don’t know. Depends on circumstance. I’ve had great food around shit people and I’ve had Long John Silvers around some of my best friends where I don’t know what we ate but I know I had a damn good time.

18. The last movie you saw in a theater?

I can’t even remember. I don’t make it to the movies too much. I’m gonna go see the new Fast and Furious, though. It’s cars doing crazy stuff. I don’t need anything more than that on a big screen. At home, yeah, I’ll sit with some wine and debate the merits of Boyhood or something. But in a theater, I want cool shit happening. I’m not paying $30 for a ticket and snacks so I can watch a whispery teen romance in Dolby surround sound.

19. Who was your first celebrity crush?

Winnie Cooper DANICA MCKELLAR WHATUP GURL.

20. What would you cook if Nic Cage was coming to your house for dinner?

I would make him some eggs, put the plate down in front of him, and as soon as he tried to take a bite, I’d take the plate away real quick, “I don’t think so, Nicolas–these eggs here are CAGE FREE.” We’d have such a big laugh he’d probably insist on taking me out to spaghetti or Peruvian food or somewhere with table cloths.

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