Weekend Preview: Charles Barkley, Corrupt Lawyers, and Nudity

Saturday Night Live (NBC, Saturday) – Charles Barkley hosts. I love Charles. I do. But the reason I love him is his unfiltered, off-the-cuff observations about things, not necessarily his ability memorize lines and perform live sketch comedy. Fingers crossed. (Preview after the jump.)

Shameless/House of Lies/Californication (Showtime, Sunday) – Season premieres for “Shameless” and “Californication,” and series premiere for “House of Lies.” I, for one, admire their commitment to quality programming and gratuitous nudity.

The Firm (NBC, Sunday) – The premiere of the series based on the John Grisham book and Tom Cruise movie. Let me get this on the record: if any shady Southern law firm wants to offer me a wheelbarrow full of cash to work for them, I am ALL EARS. Seriously. I won’t ask any questions as long as the checks clear.

Merlin (Syfy, Sunday) – Season 4 premiere. I had no idea this show existed until about five minutes ago. Hi, I’m a TV blogger!

Downton Abbey (PBS, Sunday) – Season 2 premiere. I have Season 1 on my DVR, and I want to get through it before Sunday night. It is also the first weekend of the NFL playoffs. There is a 0% chance I am successful. Such is life.

The Simpsons (FOX, Sunday) – Homer gets a political radio show and endorses Ted Nugent for president. TYPICAL LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD ELITE LOOKING DOWN ON THE COMMON FOLKS FROM THEIR IVORY TOWE… what now? Ted Nugent. Oh. Nevermind.

Hell on Wheels (AMC, Sunday) – “Hell on Wheels” would be a good name for a satanic roller derby team. Think it over, devil worshipers.

Rachael vs. Guy: Celebrity Cook-off (Food Network, Sunday) – I covered this yesterday, but you should also read Max Silvestri’s hilarious write-up on it at Grantland. I’m beginning to fear I might start watching this show. I don’t have to explain myself to you people.