Archer (FX) — Tonight’s episode sounds awesome: “When a mysterious stranger summons Malory and her intrepid ISIS agents to Monaco, all bets are off! Well, actually all bets are on. Because Monaco is basically one giant casino, and Archer has $4 million in untraceable bearer bonds. Also, it’s Gran Prix week, so you can just forget getting a hotel room.” [FX]
Secret Diary of a Call Girl (Showtime) — Season premiere. Every time I see the author of the book that became this series, I’m like, “Wait a sec. She was a high-priced call girl?” It’s like hearing about Diablo Cody’s life as a stripper. And that’s why I’ll never go to a strip club in Minnesota.
Mounted in Alaska (History) — Again, this is not about Bristol Palin.
Gigolos (Showtime) — Series premiere. A reality show about five Las Vegas man whores. I’m sure they spend a lot of time sitting around, listening to NPR.
Real Housewives of New York City (Bravo) — Season premiere. I caught a preview of this last night, and I couldn’t help but notice that there are seven women in the NYC cast. That’s more than they started with, and yet Bethenny Frankel left the show. I don’t think they should be able to replenish the cast. Make that sh*t like Highlander.
Randy Jackson Presents: America’s Best Dance Crew (MTV) — Season premiere. I dream of an alternative universe where the only thing Randy Jackson presents is the food you ordered.
