Castle (ABC, 10 p.m.) – Adam Baldwin guest stars. Wear the hat, Jayne. Wear the hat.
How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.) – “Lily has an erotic dream.” If it’s about me, WAY ahead of you.
2 Broke Girls (CBS, 8:30 p.m.) – Last week, one of the titular females without money said, “Is your ass leaking right now?” That is SO Brooklyn of them.
Top Gear (BBC America, 8 p.m.) – Season premiere. According to Wikipedia, “During the final leg of the journey, [Jeremy] Clarkson plays Genesis’ song “I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe)” out of his loudspeaker, a band that [Richard] Hammond hates.” Don’t get him started on Phil Collins’s solo career.
House (Fox, 9 p.m.) – Oh no, House’s favorite prostitute has “left the business.” But prostitutes are like baseball players, right? When the veteran retires, a new kid takes their place. The only difference being that in baseball, players hit balls, while…actually, nope it’s the same.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Zac Efron and Krysten Ritter on Kimmel; Kathy Griffin on Ferguson; Kevin Hart and Brittany Snow on Conan; Jane Goodall on Stewart; and Bonnie Raitt on Colbert.