Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC, 9 p.m.) — SEASON PREMIERE. I don’t know if the series will be able to pick up where it left off at the end of last season, but I do know that — with Lucy Lawless and Adrianne Palicki on it this season — the cast is 47 percent more attractive, according to science. (Here’s everything we know about season two, so far)
New Girl (Fox, 9 p.m.) — Heads up, youths. Tonight’s episode is about Tinder.
The Mindy Project (Fox, 9:30 p.m.) — Chris Messina is amazing. That is all.
NCIS: New Orleans (CBS, 9 p.m.) — SERIES PREMIERE. I understand a man’s gotta make a buck, but Scott Bakula! Damnit, I thought you were better than this! On the other hand, Mark Harmon has some serious competition as the object of affection among the CBS female demographic now.
Chicago Fire (NBC, 10 p.m.) — SEASON PREMIERE. There will be fires.
Person of Interest (CBS, 10 p.m.)– SEASON PREMIERE. There will be persons.
LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: Denzel is on Dave, Kerry Washington is on Fallon, Viola Davis is on Kimmel, Craig Ferguson has Lauren Graham, Jennifer Hudson is on Seth Meyers, and Kirsten Dunst is on Conan.